Friday, February 29, 2008

Jose Gonzalez

I really want to go tonight to the Jose Gonzalez show, but I am in the process of moving. What a gd bummer.

The show at Churchill's -Torche, Jacuzzi Boys, Waterford Landing- was awesome. I think I still have blood on my purse from the mosh pit (it was a girly mosh pit, but a crazy girly mosh pit).

You know you're in Miami when...

you call flip-flops chancletas
you wear chancletas EVERYWHERE
you live 15 minutes from the beach, but you never go
the car behind you honks their horn because you stopped at a red light
you get mad if the DJ doesn't play salsa, meringue, bachata, or reggaeton at a party
you buy your party food at Blue Sky
you refer to your hometown as 305 or MIA
you know you can't get a job without speaking Spanish
you know you can't really get anywhere without speaking Spanish
you only go to a Marlins, Heat, or Dolphins game if they're on a winning streak
you instinctively buy gallons of water during hurricane season, just in case
you hope for a hurricane to come so you don't have to go to work/school
you know only tourists go clubbing on South Beach
you spend your summer days inside because it's hot as hell outside
you're so used to craziness that very few things surprise you anymore
you want to move out of Miami some day, but you say you'll come back
you know never to buy mangoes or avocados at a grocery store because you grow them in your backyard
you go to a store/business and the manager tells you "hablas espanol?" because they barely can speak English
you know your pastelitos
you know that Argentinians make the best steak for the best prices
you bump into Trick Daddy everywhere
you know to be out of Downtown by 6 pm
you have to wait 4 hours for a bus to come that's supposed to come by every 30 minutes
it's 60 degrees outside and you wear a sweater, a jacket, gloves, a scarf, a hat, and boots
you know the only time there's no traffic on the Palmetto is from 3-4am
you know at least one person who has more than six people living in their houses
your neighbor keeps chickens and goats in their back yard, and you're always worried you'll find one of them dead on your doorstep
you know the only hills are trash hills the only rivers you've seen are the Miami River and canals
you know any woman walking around after dark on Flagler or Biscayne is a prostitute
you own a guayabera or know what one is
you take your car to go one block down the street
you buy mamoncillos & limes while waiting in traffic
a light lunch consists of chicharrones and malta Hatuey
you see a sushi bar on every corner
you get your chicken from Pollo Tropical
your shrimp, lobster, and designer purses all come from one place: some guy's trunk in Hialeah you see girls wearing clubbing clothes to go to 7-11
there's a Navarro on every corner
you have to put on the invitations, "starts at 2:30pm," when the event really starts at 3:30pm just so people actually get there on time.

Friday, February 22, 2008

I am the mosh pit.

Sunday, I'll see you at Churchill's!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My favorite adolescent meal:

I love


I know that every Cuban in Miami wants to crucify me when I start talking about this topic. But the truth is that, as very unCuban as I am, I know quite a bit about the history of this nation. What really offends them is my view on the subject.

Regardless of any judgements of Marxism or communism or revolutions, I think that Fidel & his crew really accomplished one of the major goals, as I perceive it, of the Cuban Revolution: independece from American capitalist control. Before you say anything, I get it, Cuba has, generally speaking, in many ways, indulged in the fruits of capitalism as of late. However, they have managed to successfully keep the US at bay. Now, I believe, embargos, and such, on Cuba from the US give the Cuban government what they want from us and those who fled the country, a hands off approach. Also, Castro was successful, thus far, in not satisfying the bloodlust of Cuban Americans by probably dying, or hiding, and hiding the info for a year or so before the government sets in place a new governing body. Fine, it's not democratic, and yes, it's Castro appointed, but it's something. It's a group of guys ruling policy affairs... pretty much standard around the world.

OK, now let's look at China and Cuba and Puerto Rico and the US briefly. We have these Marxist revolutions at different times, different cultures, similar outcomes. Certainly, we can agree, that China's revolution was one of the most traumatic (Cultural Revolution), and certainly, much of the nation is still underserved, but imagine what would have happened if there had been no revolution. Chinese people were so malnourished that their eyes were rotting in their own skulls, women's feet were broken and bound --- and it was sexy?! Now we're looking at China, shitting our pants, running out to learn Mandarin, thinking they're the next fucking superpower! Incredible, no? Cuba was on the PR track before the Revolution. Americans basically owned the island and its industry (sugar went north). You may note how great the PR is doing now, but they have given over their independence to the US. They will be the next state in the Union, they already vote in our elections, their culture will fade soon enough. Also, to note, Cubans ALL have health care and are literate. Can't say the same for the US or PR.

All in all. Call me a commie, call me red. I'm just giving a point of view. I love America, when it's good. I think democracy rocks! But I think there's room for improvement, and in a postmodern world, also room for variety.

Paving the Glades for What?

This issue of "hold the line" is so important to us locally. I spoke in front of the MDC Commission on this a few years ago. If you care about the earth/the Everglades/your home/water, you'll care about this.

Hold The Line House Party
Date: February 20, 2008

Time: 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm
Location: Show map
Doc Thomas House 5530 Sunset DriveMiami, FL 33143
Phone: (305) 667-7337

Tropical Audubon Society cordially invites you to a Hold the Line Campaign Party at the Historic Doc Thomas House. In 2006, Hold the Line and citizens like you defeated 9 applications to move Miami-Dade's Urban Development Boundary. This year, developers again threaten to overcrowd our schools, overextend our fire and rescue services and clog the roads already taxing quality of life for Miami-Dade families. Come visit with friends; meet people who care about protecting our community. At the eat and greet you have the chance to find out what's been in store, ask questions and be empowered to make a difference!
Find out more on Hold the Line visit

Thursday, February 14, 2008


I went to The Bookstore in Coconut Grove and it was cute, though not what I expected. It was a good, though small space, and had lots of gifts and scrumptious looking food. There wasn't the best selection of books though, which is, oddly enough, why I go to bookstores. I'm spoiled by Books and Books. I really think they have the best buyers, or at least ones that read what I do. Also, there were so many old people there! I'm no spring chicken, but these were some dinosaurs. I would like to start hanging out there for the free wi-fi!
Shop local.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Most Productive UTI Ever

It'll keep you running back, again and again, and again... Yes, friends, there is a technical school called UTI.

We're winning!

One day, I think we will see Christian Bale and Barak Obama rule the world.
Kicking ass in MD, DC and VA.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

This is funny.

If anyone buys this Obama necklace, please take a picture of yourself wearing it, and then send it to me, post it or something. I'd really love that. Thanks.
Click on it to buy it.

Shallow Loving

I've offered too much substance lately. I'm bringing it down a level.

Christian Bale

I just saw him in Rescue Dawn. He is incredible. I want to make his babies. I think he's a god amongst men. And his father married Gloria Steinem!
Oh, and Rescue Dawn was really an interesting, Herzogian masterpiece.

I seriously can't find a bad picture of him. Even in the Machinist he's hot... well, maybe not in the Machinist, but then he's hot again in Batman!

Political art -- trippy, bro

Click on the image. I like the part where Bush and Hitler have eagle beaks. This reminds me of my family in DC. Hey guys!

Dropping the Obomb!

Yes, Hill has more delegates, but Obama snatched up more states.
There's more to come, and I can't wait!

Not Phat, Fat

Some very mean people are trying to ban fat folks from eating at restaurants in Mississippi.
They're fucking hungry! Let them eat! Let's be honest, they're your best customers. Them and me, of course.
Read about how America is fascinating...

Monday, February 4, 2008

Votas, yo

I know that you, like me, are psyched about Super Tuesday (that's tomorrow, you ignoramuses, j/k, j/j). Over twenty states, and American Samoa, will tell the rest of us how they feel about such fabulousness as Obama and the serious ambition of Hillary, the resident evil of Huckabee, the hypocrisy of Romney, and the real darkness... McCain!

I know what you're thinking. "But I thought McCain was okay." No, he's not. He's tainted. Don't vote for him (write to me and I'll get into it with you). He's a puppet of the GOP and he looks like Michael Jackson.

Some interesting knowledge I've gained this election is about American territories. Guam, American Samoa (very unlike the Girl Scout Samoas, which are melt-in-your mouth delicious), PR, and the US Virgin Islands all have some voting privileges. Decent ones, at that! I just thought I'd mention this. Please read more on Slate.

Also, did you know that Republicans and Democrats vote on different days in South Carolina because they can't stand being in the same voting area as each other; some antiquated racist shit.

There's my electoral info.

Also, there will be a show at Churchill's tomorrow. Come support Danny L. and many other local artist who I love dearly and sometimes respect.