Jacuzzzz

I was going to say some really mean shit on this post, but some reason I feel, I don't know, watched? I just deleted a picture where I was going to comment on, where there are all these new anorexic, "gay" boys hanging around all over the place. They're like fake gayish guys who make it with chicks? I feel this is an affront to true gayness, and I kind of also don't find it sexy at all. So cut it out wannabe queers!
On Friday, I went to Churchill's and had a really good time. This band, The Hiss, played, and all I can say is that I couldn't figure out which was more interesting, Shark Week or The Hiss (Shark Week).

The Jacuzzi Boys played their best performance I have yet seen. Rick, from Ha Ha Help, in full Joker gear, was loitering around and on the stage. He took his shirt off, and then I turned to him and said, "why don't you get on stage?" He liked the idea very much and I think he enjoyed his time up there quite a bit.

Diego (Jacuzzi Boys), got a very desirable necklace from King Khan when they were on tour together last month. It has what are either shrimp or crawfish. I cannot express how much I think this necklace is perfect in that it is themed on food and luxury. Yes and yes.

The Boys are Back in Town

The Jacuzzis are back in town from a July US tour. I heard they performed at a Pitchfork Festival after-party with King Khan in Chicago. Congrats, boys, that's awesome.
Come welcome them home this Friday!

happiest b-days, Myamah

I ended up attending both of my weekend suggestions. The Bar was mostly an uneventful five hours of evening drinking, which, as always, led to a long and eventful night.

The One-One-Two: Imagine Miami Reborn, Miami 112th B-day Party, presented by Camposition, was a very interesting event, and I have a bunch of pictures to tell the tale. This will end in 2 blogs, I imagine, picture-wise. For being "Miami's" birthday party, the event was wholly un-Miami in most ways but for the intensely overwhelming heat and humidity. There were all sorts of cretins, creatives, and perverts in costumes fit for the best Karen Black-circus-burlesque-Halloween party. Over on the left there was the scariest person in a painted sock at the event, and there below is Jasmine, the loveliest lady of the night in costume. The reason I say that the event was very un-Miami is that... let me say this gently... I think Miami is a beautiful place with much to offer in terms of creativity and cultural, but it is not a place that typically celebrates "otherness," or strangeness, as this night did. Don't get me wrong, I

loved the weird, I think we need more of that here in the MIA, but it was, in and of itself, a celebration not necessarily best suited for our sunny mecca of sexy. With that said, I thought the event was funny, and fun, and engaging. Most importantly, don't let me forget to mention that it was sponsored by Churchill's Pub, which was also named one of America's best bars by Esquire Magazine (as were Zeke's, the Deuce, and Jimbo's!). I'm putting up a separate Chungalicious blog-- they were fabulous.

Here were some other highlights: the incredibly talented Karl Ferrari on guitar, accompanied by flamenco dancing, Blowfly out of costume (he came out in costume spewing words like balls and pussy, afterward), and a very interesting dude dancing with the best dancer in the place, about 20 years his junior.

boobs exposed

Do you guys remember that semi-homeless guy, Joaquin, that used to hang out at Churchill's and would draw your "portrait" and then scribble in large, exposed breasts right below your face?

Churchill's is the bomb

Here are two pics from the Sweat Records party a few weeks ago. This is Dino performing with Rick at Churchill's:

At the Torche show, also at Churchill's, we met Mickey Munday from Cocaine Cowboys. This was an eventful incident because Mickey and I had a brief talk about religion and then he told me some serious dirt. I won't repeat it here, but we talked. That's all I gotta say.
Torche rocked, as usual. They bring the house down. There's Juan on the left, in serious metal mode. Definitely come out for their next show. You will not regret it.

Chris, the Funk

I just wanted to thank Chris Funk for being such a great bartender and friend. He's working the booze at Churchill's, fairly regularly these days. I'm posting his picture here so that when you see him, you can shower him with cash and give him a noogie or kiss or something.

The Weekend Starts... NOW

TO DO LIST:

Wednesday (otherwise known as today, this day, now): Go to Vagabond for La Quinceanera, featuring Miami bass favorites, Alex Caso, Jose El Rey and Otto. Drop it like it's hot.

Friday: Must go to the Cinco de Mayo party at the Upper East Side Garden on 69th Street. Dress like FRIDA KAHLO for look-alike competition. Get there early, before 9:00!!! Drink too much, then on to Churchill's to see the Jacuzzi Boys and Dino. Take shots, drink cider.

Sunday: Listen to Torche rock at Churchill's. Take more shots, drink more cider. Drunkenly threaten, "Girl, I'll mosh you" to anyone in your path. Buy Torche's new album at Sweat Records.

Shows!!!

Ravel

I went to see one of Miami's best, Ravelstein, and his band, last night at Churchill's Pub. My favorite Japanese Jew was as awesome as ever. Ravel's definitely and obviously one of the best performers in the city, and his backup band is a treasure chest of talent in and of itself. Check them out next time they perform: April 20th at Churchill's and April 28th at Studio A.

Here's Ravel, Henry on bass, and the view from my favorite seat in the house.

I am the mosh pit.

Sunday, I'll see you at Churchill's!

Votas, yo

I know that you, like me, are psyched about Super Tuesday (that's tomorrow, you ignoramuses, j/k, j/j). Over twenty states, and American Samoa, will tell the rest of us how they feel about such fabulousness as Obama and the serious ambition of Hillary, the resident evil of Huckabee, the hypocrisy of Romney, and the real darkness... McCain!

I know what you're thinking. "But I thought McCain was okay." No, he's not. He's tainted. Don't vote for him (write to me and I'll get into it with you). He's a puppet of the GOP and he looks like Michael Jackson.

Some interesting knowledge I've gained this election is about American territories. Guam, American Samoa (very unlike the Girl Scout Samoas, which are melt-in-your mouth delicious), PR, and the US Virgin Islands all have some voting privileges. Decent ones, at that! I just thought I'd mention this. Please read more on Slate.

Also, did you know that Republicans and Democrats vote on different days in South Carolina because they can't stand being in the same voting area as each other; some antiquated racist shit.

There's my electoral info.

Also, there will be a show at Churchill's tomorrow. Come support Danny L. and many other local artist who I love dearly and sometimes respect.

But bro, like, I just wanna get fucked up and shit...

For good boozers

Fox's Sherron Inn
6030 South Dixie Highway
Everyone has their favorite place to pound a few drinks, right? Well, Fox's is mine. I mean, that doesn't take away from my profound love for, say, Churchill's, but there is something special about Fox's. I grew up right down the street, they have Patsy Cline on the FREE jukebox, 2-4-1 on Tuesday and Saturdays, old guys who like to just chat, not hit on you, darkness at 3 p.m., carafes of martini, the list goes on and on. Granted, the beer selection leaves something to be desired, but, there is food until late as hell, and I like the navy bean soup.
The Tuesday nights have become less than savory. Lots of young people dressed like they're hitting South Beach, if South Beach were ruled by hipsters. And the music has gone to shit on these 2-4-1 nights, but any other day or night, I say alright baby. If you stole that ceramic fox from Fox's I think you should return it. Also, you can walk to Sunset Tavern to play some pool, or to Booby Trap for boobies. Fox's is home.

Churchill's Pub
5501 NE 2nd Ave
My favorite Churchill's story is one that actually took place outside. If you've ever been before, you know that this location provides the most vile bathrooms the world has to offer. I mean, just putrid. I was there on Friday and there was a bloody maxi pad in the toilet, no lie. Back to the story. I had to pee, and I forced my brother to join me as a watch guard as I walked down the street to an empty lot to empty my bladder. As we walked, a lady with huge pendulous, naked breasts, wearing only her rib-high underwear, opened her screen door to yell at people across the street. My brother missed her, but I'll never forget this moment. Thanks Churchill's.
Not to scare you away. This is the best place in Miami to hear live music, hands down. They have great beer, they have booze, they have Strongbow on tap, man. I saw Dick Dale play there, most of my friends perform, I have read poetry, myself (don't mock), saw Costes "Little Birds Shit" http://www.costes.org/, I mean, really. Also, I have always dreamt of dating a Churchill's bartender.

The Bar
172 Giralda Ave
Coral Gables
At first, I thought The Bar was kind of overrated. However, after I started going to Tuesday night, Ladies' Night, I became hooked. Also, they give you free wings with a pitcher on Sundays. Shit like that makes me feel good about a place. The beer is good, good beer, booze. Corny jukebox, not far from home. I really think they have the best wings in Miami, overall.

The Abbey Brewing Company
1115 16th Street
Miami Beach
The Abbey is every beer drinker's favorite. If you don't drink beer, tough titties. They have very potent beers (The Abbey Quadruple), and a nice atmosphere. Old-timers and beach types intermingling. They took out the dart board, and honestly have lost MAJOR points with me on this, however, it's one of the best spots in Miami.

The Room
100 Collins Ave
Miami Beach
Hmmm. I once hated the Room. Now I like it. One complaint, there isn't enough cider (usually one on tap and another unpasturized one in a big bottle). There's no booze either. The Room, though, is the best place to end a long night of drinking on Miami Beach. It's a little too sceney for me, but I like the little coves you can sit in by the window and the bathroom usually had soft TP.

PS 14
28 NE 14th Street
One might say that the first 2 years this place opened, I spent at least 3 nights a week there. You might also say that I still spend entirely too much time at PS, but it's so much better than any other bar/club in Miami. The music, lately, has started to all sound the same, but I love this place for live music, pool, and my buddies. Someone always gets rowdy here and I appreciate the spirit of craziness.

Club Deuce
222 14th Street
Miami Beach
Cash only. Good jukebox. Creepy place. Great decor.

Flanigan's Seafood Bar and Grill
2721 Bird Ave
Coconut Grove
One word: ribs.