Gross, bro

Don't eat beef. Largest US recall.

Why I don't eat beef.

Click on the creepy meat man. NY Times article... will make you want to barf.

Brovine Conspiracy

If you read below, you saw that I was tricked into eating the flesh of a cow by an unwitting Dogma employee. Well, after four years (four fucking years!), I was slipped the cow again on Saturday night! Twice in one month!

Picture this: Miami, Florida, US1, 4:30 a.m. on a Saturday night. I hadn't eaten much all day because I wasn't feeling well, but after a drink or two, I hungered for a spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme. I emphasized chicken, I repeated it several times through the radio, chicken. My brother and I were singing "In the Garage" anticipating the delicious flavor of the Bell. Sweet savory heaven. I took my first bite, it was all sour cream, "oh, yeah," I bragged. Then the next, mmmmm, no meat yet. On the third bite, my tongue touched meat! I pulled over and looked closely. Those heifers got me again. It was BEEF!

I don't want to eat you!

I hate you, Dogma

I haven't eaten beef since New Year's day at about 5 a.m. in fucking 2004! It's been 4 years. I will admit to a tiny bite of empanada and a half a junior bacon cheeseburger in 2005, but before and since, not a single bite of burger, steak, roast beef, brisket has landed in my stomach... not even a hot dog... until today.

I ordered 2 turkey dogs from Dogma on Biscayne and she gave me beef dogs! I was starving, so I mindlessly gorged on the red meat. I had almost finished my first one before I realized that it didn't taste like a turkey and it didn't look like a frigging turkey. It tasted good and moist, unlike the bland white meat they stuff into hot dog casing.

I hate you, Dogma. You ruined my 4 year stretch and my day.

I might as well have eaten this: