Sunday, August 31, 2008

London 2: Party, Night 1

After tea at Harrods, we napped and then went out on the town. 
In London, you don't tip the 
bartender, so they have no reason to be heavy handed 
with the booze, and in fact, at most places, the shot glasses are this big <----. Pathetic. Anyway, we started at George and Dragon and then stopped into Favela Chic, both in the trendy 
Shoreditch area, which has a variety of  types and shapes of partiers.
Favela Chic reminded me of a friendlier South Beach club but George and Dragon is what the best East Village, semi-gay, grimy, chilled out dream bar wished it could be. In other words, the atmosphere was relaxed, the people were friendly, the drinks affordable, the people cool, and not pretentious. It was gay heavy, but very diverse as well. The bar is small and most people spill out onto the street, but is filled with entertaining eye-kitsch, like this Cher likeness, seen
 above. The DJ was rocking out the good old TLC and Dolly Parton, and we spoke with him after his set. Turns out he's the guy that used to throw the, now defunct but well known, Boom Box parties. He was friendly enough wanted us to keep in touch. We were talking music for a bit, but when I asked him if he had heard of Girl Talk (as this type of music came up), he acted like I thought up some nobody, Hialeah, wannabe DJ who played bar mitzvahs, like I was crazy to mention such an unknown "Miami" person. No offense, but often people that "throw" parties tend to be insecure and project false confidence. Just chill out guys, there's nothing wrong with just being yourselves. Anyway, one of the bartenders, who was adorable, told us about this party at a parking lot warehouse across town with "great" DJs. This basically translates from European to American to something terribly trancey. We went anyway, and here's Eddie being a goof with some dude who lent him his glowing glasses, obviously left over from a late 90s rave. It was really organized and had an actual bar, two areas with DJs and neat graphics on the walls. There were a bunch of kids there as is evidenced below. Next day we were off to Berlin! 


Hey there, Miami. I am back in town after a wonderful vacation in London and Berlin. I found some gems that I want to share with you all, in case you head across the pond and need advice. I am considering starting right now, but last night I danced like a dork for hours and attempted to show up this girl who was doing one-armed push-ups at this club, but I could only do a few them with both my arms. This is possibly because I had been drinking for eleven hours straight and had little balance, as well as limited movement from my tight Opening Ceremony, birthday dress. Every muscle hurts and is angry with me. Let's just say I'll start tomorrow.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

I guess the gay blogs got to this first...

Is Gov. Sarah Palin actually Karen Walker???

Thursday, August 28, 2008

London 1: Harrods - Afternoon Tea and Many Muslims

I had afternoon tea in the Georgian Restaurant in Harrods last weekend. Appropriately, the inside is decorated in the Georgian style, however, we opted to sit on the terrace which was really lovely and bright. The tea was pricey, but worth it for the Harrods experience. This experience includes the intoxicatingly delicious raisin scones with clotted cream (seen below) and an inordinate number of wealthy Muslim ladies who were binge shopping. I'm part Lebanese, though not Muslim (go Maronites!), so I can say whatever I want about my own people. Harrods is owned my Mohamed Al-Fayed, an Egyptian whose son died with Princess Diana. I guess he's doing a great job marketing to his people, because there were more 'rabs in Harrods than in Dubai. They're rich as shit and I really don't understand how many $3,000 purses and $500 pairs of underwear you can actually buy. All they wear are black drapes, so you know they're not getting DVF dresses. Every time I see one, I just want to take their credit card and What Not to Wear on them. However, there were some lovely Arabs with style. If you'll notice, my favorite swathed lady can be seen in the background, below the clotted raisin heaven. She's talking to the ugly version of Carson from Queer Eye, who we couldn't stop laughing about. It was a good scene.


Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Of course I'm out of the Country during the convention and I have no idea what's going on. I saw Ted Kennedy's pic on screen on the U-Bahn, so I guess he spoke today. I know Hill's on for tomorrow. If you know anything interesting about what's going down (read: Jimbo), then lemme know!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

New Paltz: potential site for my dream commune...

Unfortunately I'm running way behind on my blogging. I'm already in freaking Berlin, and I haven't yet told you how awesome New Paltz, NY was.
I spent the last six months planning my best friend's bachelorette party which she opted to have outside of Manhattan, her home base. She wanted to pick some berries dance to a Neil Young wannabe band and drink local cider, so we picked some berries, danced and drank.
If you see above, there is Kelder's Farm, which is absolutely beautiful, has tons of fruits to pick beside just apples (this is apple territory in the Hudson Valley), and has the World's Largest Garden Gnome (!), seen below. That's me and most of the awesome ladies who helped me throw Liza a good time partay.
New Paltz is home to one of the SUNYs (State University of New York), but it is also one of the oldest Huguenot communities in America (those French Protestants, remember from American History?).
I actually found a beautiful place for us to rent for the weekend on Huguenot Street, which is apparently the oldest continuously inhabited street in America (impressive). The houses were built around the turn of the 17th century. We obviously weren't staying in one that old, but we were right down the block. The town is not just quaint, but really beautiful, with deer and rabbit running freely through the half-acre yards before a green, mountainous backdrop.
Here's where things get less wholesome... Isn't this a handsome cake? It's from Masturbakers in NYC. It was tasty too!
Now for eating in New Paltz, we did good, as they say.
This little beauty was from the Main Street Bistro. The name would suggest some run-of-the-mill garbage breakfast joint with old ladies munching on caesar salad made with ranch dressing, but this was by far the most delicious breakfast burrito I have ever lain my lips upon. It was called the "South of the Border." I am a Mex-breakfast fanatic, but this blew my mind and my belly with the freshest ingredients and some kind of genius magic food that they give to people to make them fall in love with burritos. Drive up there, eat this, and then try to tell me otherwise. I dare you.
We ate at a place Bacchus the night before which had one of the most extensive beer list I've ever seen in my life. I got the ribs, garlic mashed potatoes, and corn. The ribs were super saucy and dripping from the bone, you can't fuck up mashed potats, and the white corn obviously sprouted from the earth out back and needed no salt and no butter. That's good corn in my book. This was a great overnight trip out of the City. And while I was on my way up, my mom told me we used to pick apples there in the fall when I was a kid. A kiss of nostalgia and delicious food: New Paltz rules.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Cho, bro

Just saw The Cho Show on VH1: loved it. Unless you're a homophobe or a psycho loser or the antichrist, you know how funny, sensitive and hilarious Margaret Cho is. I just cried twice watching the show. I guess I have hormonal problems and she's a genius. Either way, it's a really likable show.

Soho, bro-- last weekend

Liza had some men staying at her apartment (bachelor party!), so we stayed at 60 Thompson.
This is Liza in the Thai restaurant downstairs, which I heard was good. The hotel room was really nice and the shower had two shower heads, so we each took 2 showers (alone, pervs), within a 12 hour period.

finally the dollar improves, a bit

Just in time for my trip overseas, the dollar shows good face:
1 Euro = 1.4866 US dollars
1 British pound = 1.8735 US dollars
This is actually an improvement, and I'm actually pleased.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fay at MIA

Airport art, though not usually attractive, is always appropriate and interesting.

Ricky's a daddy of two

When I blew out my b-day candles on my cupcakes last night, I wished for a straight one of these, all for meself.
I can't wait till gay men can procreate with each other and they don't need to pay some strange surrogate lady to pump out twins for them.

Congrats to Ricky Martin though for creating twins. He's gorgeous and we need more of his genes out there. I saw him once at Hoy Como Ayer, at a Spam show, and he really was one hot mama! Like superduper hotttt.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I always knew she was evil!

I'm copying basically this whole article where Roseanne Barr explains why Angelina Jolie sucks my butt. I'm sure when Angie's thinking of McCain, she's also thinking about her wallet. What a faker.
Seriously, I'm starting to believe that those Benetton children are just like puppies in a handbag for her. She clearly doesn't care about giving them a role model by supporting the only viable half-African candidate for pres we've ever had. What a douche. And now her and that cheating dolt Brad are creating a band of douches that will probably go on to vote against human rights and for waterboarding just like mama. Hopefully they all turn against hypocritelina and vote Dem when they grow up into spoilt celeb-teen bastards.
"Evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about forty million dollars a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more," Roseanne writes.
"Also Miss Jolie says she likes McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's
worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan?" she adds.
"Or that matter, the Thai and Vietnamese sons you are photo'd with
weekly too!!!? Who's pictures you sell to raise money to help the poor? Their families are victims of America' s right wing military incursions too," she continues. "It might be good for your Asian and African children's self esteem to know you support [Barack Obama] for the leader of the free world," the comedienne finishes.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Stormy Weathers

I just got back from my brief "vacation" to Manhattan and New Paltz, NY. I will give you an adequate update soon, since I ate delicious food in a beast-like manner which you must salivate over.

I just wanted to tell a quick complaint tale about my flight up. I was scheduled to leave on Thursday at 7:30, but there were tornadoes in Hialeah or something(?). Anyway, my flight didn't leave till after midnight, and it was the bumpiest ride, possibly ever. It was probably how it felt to fly on the first commercial flight over the Himalayas in wintertime. Yeah, it sucked. I even felt the shake through my drug induced "sleep." Then, an hour before we landed, the pilot wakes me from my pathetic rest to tell us that Laguardia closes at 3 a.m., did anyone know this(???), and that we were being diverted to JFK. Perhaps my least favorite airport.
So, at around 4ish, I finally was waiting in line for a taxi, when I said, fuck it, I'm doing a car service. I jumped into a car with a dude --Wally-- from the Ivory Coast (of course), and we made friends. Apparently he sells real estate, and has places listed that are in my friend Liza's building. Small world! He introduced me to some Nigerian musician dude named Fela. There's truly a buttload of great African music out there waiting to enter my ears. Thanks, Walls.

Anyway, I'll post my other adventures later. I just wanted to complain about my flight. I wonder if Miami was any fun this weekend without me. It was probably MORE fun, but I am into being delusional, it was boring, I'm sure. This works for me.

So, this hurricane, huh? Fay's going to dump on my birthday tomorrow?
For sure.
But I'll still be chillin' at home dressed in a cat costume with a cider in one hand and a red velvet cupcake in the other. What better way to spend you billionth b-day?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

random shtuff

More Jacuzzi Boys. Last show was great, and I think there will be a greatness repeat. Do it.

Cindy McCain is weak and strange. Couldn't take a handshake.

The Roots at the Fillmore on October 8th-- keep this in mind.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mufasa Month, Bro

I am a Leo, and every August I take a vacation and I get the hell out of town. This year, I'll be on holiday (as Eddie says) twice: New York this weekend, and London and Berlin the following Friday, for a week. This means that if you want to do wrong by me, wanna tongue an ex of mine in plain, public view, or talk a ton of trash about how lame I am, these will be the times to do so. Of course Miami, bro needs a break from the Miami-life. Miami, bro can, and will travel, and then tell you all about it. Just because, bro. Why the fuck not? I'll be Chilling in NY, bro and then Straight Chilling in London, bro, and finally, Fucking Chilling the Fuck Out in Berlin, bro.

You know how it is.

Beans, beans the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot.

...the more you toot, the better you feel, and then you're ready for another meal!
Alright! I don't know who this weirdo's parents are, but I do love green beans. I mean, I really, really love them.
"It doesn’t take long for the beans to transform from pert to sublimely soft..."
Food can be so deliciously dirty sometimes.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Senufa: beautiful shit, bro. Buy it, bro.

I would like to rave about the wonderful jewelry designer and former Miamian, Senufa Salley. Senufa is of one hot mama (the hot mama of my ex... no doubt), and makes the most thoughtful, beautiful pieces of jewelry and small sculpture. Senufa finally has her website up and running ( so we can all buy pieces for ourselves and the ones we truly love. I say "truly" because these pieces are made with beauty and brilliance and deserve to be given with love.
This is for all the big bottomed ladies, like myself...

Senufa actually took some pictures of me draped in her artwork many, many years ago and I think this is my formerly flat belly. Notice the gnawed off nails?

Bravo, Miami!

Last night, I was watching TV and embroidering a pillowcase, not totally focused on the screen. Sheer Genius started on Bravo, and I was watching, thinking about how familiar this one chick looked, the butchy Mexican lady. All of a sudden, I realized that I actually do know her! She used to cut my hair at Allure in the Grove. She goes by Dee, but I think her name is really Denise. She was actually very good, but not the easiest to talk to. Doesn't matter, I was really excited. It turns out she waxed my coworkers brows a few years back, too! GO Miami Dee, bro!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

half hair

Not me.

If you know me, you saw that earlier this year I shaved the side of my head. Though it was mostly eclipsed by longer hair, one friend asked if I had had surgery, another (a man, of course) said it made him feel like he was hanging out with a boy, and everyone else thought I looked like a lesbian. So, it wasn't liked by all. I don't give a shit, I liked it. Anyway, turns out this model Alice Dellal, who has taken over for Kate Moss as the face of Agent Provocateur, rocks out with the same 'do. Naturally, she does it better than I do, but whatever, she's a model! I'm a dork! The point is that lately, I have seen and heard of other sightings of Miami ladies with partially shaved heads. I just want it to be noted that, well, it needn't be said, I mean, all that need be said is that the revolution will be blogged. And you're welcome for the inspiration.
These two ladies were my biggest shave supporters. Eddie, not so much.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dark Nights for Dark Knight?

Dude, not to be superstitious, but uh, The Dark Knight is cursed. First it was Ledger, then Bale, now, Morgan Freeman got into a huge car accident, and had to be removed with the jaws of life! If I had been in or even worked on or anywhere near the filming of that movie, I'd be scared shitless.

Sunday, August 3, 2008


I was going to say some really mean shit on this post, but some reason I feel, I don't know, watched? I just deleted a picture where I was going to comment on, where there are all these new anorexic, "gay" boys hanging around all over the place. They're like fake gayish guys who make it with chicks? I feel this is an affront to true gayness, and I kind of also don't find it sexy at all. So cut it out wannabe queers!
On Friday, I went to Churchill's and had a really good time. This band, The Hiss, played, and all I can say is that I couldn't figure out which was more interesting, Shark Week or The Hiss (
Shark Week).

The Jacuzzi Boys played their best performance I have yet seen. Rick, from Ha Ha Help, in full Joker gear, was loitering around and on the stage. He took his shirt off, and then I turned to him and said, "why don't you get on stage?" He liked the idea very much and I think he enjoyed his time up there quite a bit.

Diego (Jacuzzi Boys), got a very desirable necklace from King Khan when they were on tour together last month. It has what are either shrimp or crawfish. I cannot express how much I think this necklace is perfect in that it is themed on food and luxury. Yes and yes.

Miami Beach Polka

Check out this lady. She was all tatted up; I think she even had tattoos on her face, and she was dressed to the nines.
As she walked by, the construction workers whistled and yelled, and she just waved at them.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

On Thursday night, I went to this thing at PS14, and I think it was called The Big Sleep. There was the strangest crowd I have ever encountered, gathered to watch two chubby teenage girls get slathered in paint and tape. There were all types there. Like, look at this geeky dude in front of that sexy painting... oh, wait, that's my friend Danny. Let me restate, look at that super cool guy in front of two monkeys fucking! Basically, there was a sample of every type of person imaginable.
Jessenia was admiring this girl's gravity-defying hair, so I was like, go over there, and I'll take your picture. Of course, right when I have them where I want them, this chick from rushes up in front of me, and takes it first. I was a little annoyed. Anyway, this chick's hair is kinda cool and shit. That's all.