Dog Meat Off the Menu During Olympics

Roasted pups. Beware, this is gruesome, like as in it made me want to barf on my keyboard.
My father actually ate dog by accident when he was a medic in the Philippines during Vietnam. It didn't taste bad, but once he found out it was Fido on his tongue, he was a little grossed out.
Thanks for being so strange, Far East!

I express myself through my fart.

The (F)art walk is this Saturday (I know, I'm a child), and I this means there will be scores of wierdos, thirsty for free beverages, lurking around every corner of Wynwood. I will be one of these, soaking wet from the summer heat, and sucking down whatever vile booze or "wine" I manage to seek out.
There's this MAP Magazine party thing next to the Snitzer. If you can make out nothing else on the flyer, you will notice the Bombay Sapphire logo in the corner. Free. Yes, free.
I think I read that there's stuff going on, though don't quote me, at Snitzer, David Castillo, Emmanuel Perrotin, Locust Projects, Dorsch, and then lastly, at 2020. Last month I had a nasty-drink taster-session, starting with white wine, on to vodka, then vinegar, or something remarkably similar. I therefore ended up napping in my car at the end of the night before heading home. Wow. Fun, right? Not this week, I get paid tomorrow, so I'll be drinking Miller Lite before I even leave the house! That's right, living large (or at least living with a large-ass). I'll see you on the street.

Relevant

Long Log Cabin

You can buy your very own GAY REPUBLICAN CARDS. Thanks to my roommate for the heads up on these little nugs of greatness. "Wide Stance" is a nickname any man would envy, gay or straight. Am I right, boys?

Nerd Alert

This website is awesome: FreeRice.com. It tests your vocab knowledge and with every question you answer correctly, you give some starving people rice to eat! I like anything where I appear intelligent and am able to give back to the world in the process. Last night I fed half of Kenya. No lie! Kicks ass.

This is a picture of Oly, Nathan and Danny L playing at MOCA last week. They had a really good time with it, and they rocked. After they performed, Rat Bastard made some noise for a mostly confused audience.

I saw 2 Live Crew, minus Uncle Luke... but they were pretty good anyway, and played a bit longer than I expected. If you notice in the picture, someone familiar... It was hilarious, because they wanted girls on stage, correction, they wanted girls with booties on stage, no wait... they wanted girls with fat asses that they knew how to shake on stage. However, the Money Shot hoes had no asses worth shaking, so I jumped on stage to show my gigantic derriere. The second I got up there, I was met with a boner grinding on my leg, by a braided black man. It's not a 2 Live Crew show if you're not molested by a man on stage.

Wishing You a Happy Independence Day!

Merman in Chelsea

Baby Squid's blog has a beautiful post of intense bizarreness.
Check out the sloppy beast.

Our Native Son: Miami Booty Bass

DON'T FORGET: 2 Live Crew at Vagabond on Thursday night. This is some SERIOUS Miami shit. In fact, you will definitely have to pop your "coochie," and you may want to don a pair of daisy dukes (Repo Crew video linked here for costume ideas). I once saw Uncle Luke at a Get Out The Vote event four years ago and man, was I star struck. See ya there.

Ladies and Captors!

This morning on AOL, I saw the headline: Poll Finds Obama's Wife More Disliked Than McCain's, which I believe, because white America is clearly not comfortable with women of color in power. The thing is though, that I clicked on the link and here's the new headline for that same article: Potential First Ladies Get Mixed Reviews. I know I'm not a morning person, but still, even I noticed that these two intros mean very different things. One implies that Michelle is not likable and the other simply states that neither lady is better liked. This, for me, is classic American mainstream media: Miami, bro Gets Mixed Messages from American Media. That's my headline for today.

OK, but here's the real goodie! I didn't think anything could follow up the genius of a gigantic Eddie Murphy head on the Jersey Turnpike, but this article almost matches up... Former Captor Says He'd Vote for McCain. While Tran Trong Duyet, who once held McCain captive in a POW camp for five years, denies that there was torture in these camps, and also has never met McCain on a post war visit to 'Nam (i.e. since he tortured him), he still wants us to vote for him. Hmm. Also, apparently good old Tran(ie) "claims the presumed Republican presidential nominee made up beatings and solitary confinement in an attempt to win votes." Mixed messages. What validity does this man have. Even McCain's people think this is bunk. They don't even want Tran's endorsement. Let's just end this and vote in Obama.

A lil' tidbit about GOP old boy: McCain was held in solitary confinement for over two years.

Tranie's a beauty:

Prince Akeem, on the NJ scene, ya know what I mean.

My former co-worker and buddy, Loren M., snapped these beauties on the Jersey Turnpike just today! Let's celebrate the Murphy, he's one funny Eddie. It's so lifelike, too, isn't it? God bless America.

There's no art in Miami, bro. Or is there?

Below is a pirated video from the MOCA exhibit, Sympathy for the Devil, which was worth the $5 and drive up to North Miami. Read more about it in the Palm Beach New Times, since I don't feel like explaining. I just wanted to show the world this clip.

This is an amazing video by Mark Leckey, a British artist working with old dance footage from the UK. Here's a delightful clip:

Pedro Bell's drawings of Funkadelic four album covers for The Electric Spanking of War Babies were something to marvel at, even if you're not stoned! I liked this one for obvious reasons... it's a ton of fun.