more shnuff goin' down, and gay talk

1. Jacuzzi Boys at PS 14 next Friday. Don't miss it!

2. Check out this link for Upper East Side Garden events. They apparently have a "Gay Nite," which I'd love to go to, because I think I'm gay or something. There's not enough good gay nights around these parts anymore. I went to Magnum last weekend and got hit on by nice old lesbos, but the men looked a little aged, and not sexy or "cool," in any sense of the word. I still like it there. The Fox's of the North.

Miami used to be so gay friendly, and I know they all fled to Ft. Lauderdale, but couldn't any good parties stay behind? This post should be called "The Lamenting Hag;" I need to get a solid straight life. I am too old to be chillin' only with homos. Maybe I'll move on when I'm absolutely fat and desperate and even the gays withhold their love... nah, that'll never happen, they'll always love me, and I'll always love them.

Gay Boys and Girls:

Speaking of, you know I just learned/figured out that if you're a man and you've never gotten with chicks, only dudes, you know nothing about girl parts. Isn't that interesting? I mean, in my simple mind, I never even thought of this using basic logic. It's like if you're straight, you see all parts, ya know? There's room for comparison of all special places. Please, if you're gay and have never really "been" with a woman, write to me about how you perceive woman parts. Like really, and not just like, "ew, they're gross," because we all know that, you can say that too, I mean, but then throw something on the end like, "ew, they're gross! and they look like vomitholes." Thanks!

Some News Today

There is really no reason to read The Onion anymore when BBC News is reporting on these little nuggets of brilliance. See this cat over there, he has been credited with increasing the sales of a Japanese railroad company by 10%. The article notes that this full time employee "receives cat food in lieu of a salary."
This cat has it's OWN OFFICE and I, with my useless degrees, have a sort of hallway cubicle. I'm pathetic. And please, don't miss out on the moron in the background of this picture. I want to punch her.


Now these dudes in the photo to the right were "found," recently, by The Man. Merci Saint Anthony, because I mean, they were frantically looking for themselves everywhere! Nothing like discovering people that already exist peacefully and untainted in nature. Now that we got 'em, I'm sure we'll be forcing penicillin down their throats, clothing them with old Budweiser tee-shirts we got for free at the bar, and have no idea what to do with, and choking them with all the Red Bull and Marlboros they can handle until they're just as fucked up, modified and neurotic as the rest of us.
It's sad that I'm kind of jealous of a cat and a bunch of people in the Amazon with red paint on their bodies, isn't it?

Return of the Weirds, again

For Arabs and Patriots

From MEAPA: There will be a screening & discussion of the Film: USA vs Al-Arian, hosted by The Black Mangrove Collective, The International Group, and The South Florida Palestinian Solidarity; supported by MEAPA and Yalla So FL. Saturday, May 31, 2008, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at Books and Books, 265 Aragon Avenue, Coral Gables.
USA vs Al-Arian follows the arrest and trial of Sami Al-Arian, an Arab-American university professor accused of supporting a terrorist organization abroad. For two and a half years Dr. Al-Arian was held in solitary confinement, denied basic privileges and given limited access to his attorneys.

Studio A

Something else going on this weekend. I guess you could bid farewell to Studio A while enjoying some Berliner electronica. Apparently Modeselektor produced sound installations at the Centre Georges Pompidou in Paris, which is one of my favorite indoor places in the universe. Seriously, the UNIVERSE. That's heavy.

Yeah, Gays!

Great news, my homo buddies, you can finally get some governmental respect and legalize your romantic unions in California!
This ruling tempts me to marry a lady just because I can! I can choose to munch a coochie, right? I mean, who wouldn't choose to be discriminated against? Hate crimes are such a joy to be victimized by!
J/K, boys and girls, I know you came out of the poon like that. You guys are the greatest! XO, congrats, for realz, bro. This is thrilling news.

a little rant I wrote up for something else- nerd, dude

As a non-profit worker and a grant writer, I know that there is money out there specified for the purpose of educating and informing people on issues such as environmental awareness and activism. These are two of the most important and pressing topics of which Americans are lacking knowledge. I think that the creation of more hands on, co-op, community, organic farms would inform children, parents and the community on how to eat in an environmental friendly manner. Creating more of these locations would allow people to come together to learn about activism, public policy and advocacy; about the politics that affect us all! I think that more urban and rural community farms would connect people with the earth, and I would love to see more foundations, corporations and the government support people returning to the earth and understanding their place in the political chain. I think this would work to bring us together, and include Mother Earth in any discussion we plan to have about the future of this, or any nation.

Ain't that the truth!

Good luck, friends!

Do something useful for a change, come on!

Single-handedly SAVE THE EVERGLADES, just by typing in your name.

The Plan

Today blew a dirty, damp monkey's butt. I am ready to go home, catch a glimpse of Viggo's shinny, flopping member in Eastern Promises and drink five or six K ciders (6.9% alcohol-available at Publix-yeah boi).
Hopefully I get smashed, stumble over to The Bar and take 50 shots of whatever is cheapest, then yell and flirt with whoever will talk to me, then crawl home.

Blow Me

If you've never seen Blowfly, the "original dirty rapper," here's your chance to experience his pornographic lullabies in the sticky flesh. This hip-hop outcast dresses like a child-drag queen-super hero and sings about genital sucking and such. Unbeatable, or at least unmatchable.

He'll be performing with Otto and my super buddy Ravelstein at PS14 on Friday.

Dix in the sun

My roommate and I finally got our cable hooked up in order to satisfy my intense, nerd television cravings (i.e. Food Network, Animal Planet, "Create"). So last night, while pounding a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's AmeriCone Dream, we watched the Travel Channel's 10 Best Beach Caribbean Pools/Resorts/Bathrooms, or something with an equally unappealing title, and one of the places was named, get this, LITTLE DIX BAY. That's right: Little DIX.
Christ almighty, I laughed my ass off.
I don't know about you, but little dix are not what I'm looking for when I go on vacation.