There is really no reason to read The Onion anymore when BBC News is reporting on these little nuggets of brilliance. See this cat over there, he has been credited with increasing the sales of a Japanese railroad company by 10%. The article notes that this full time employee "receives cat food in lieu of a salary." This cat has it's OWN OFFICE and I, with my useless degrees, have a sort of hallway cubicle. I'm pathetic. And please, don't miss out on the moron in the background of this picture. I want to punch her.
Now these dudes in the photo to the right were "found," recently, by The Man. Merci Saint Anthony, because I mean, they were frantically looking for themselves everywhere! Nothing like discovering people that already exist peacefully and untainted in nature. Now that we got 'em, I'm sure we'll be forcing penicillin down their throats, clothing them with old Budweiser tee-shirts we got for free at the bar, and have no idea what to do with, and choking them with all the Red Bull and Marlboros they can handle until they're just as fucked up, modified and neurotic as the rest of us.
It's sad that I'm kind of jealous of a cat and a bunch of people in the Amazon with red paint on their bodies, isn't it?
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