Weird, bro!

I wanted to write a big, long blog about how the Night of Weirds is the best night Miami has to offer. To say how I love everything about it and everyone that attends. That it keeps alive all that is good about being a strange, smart human being. That it's like going home. 

Unfortunately I'm missing tomorrow's display of weirdness and I can't truly express my affection for this night because of exhaustion and laziness. Instead, I'm posting this subpar message in support, just to say this is the best of Miami. Have fun!

Wow, whatever, bro.

After my eventful Friday night, I definitely thought twice about leaving my bedroom on Saturday. But I got about 10 hours of sleep and couldn't continue to lie there much longer, so I got up and went out.

Not that anyone cares about the details, but I helped my friend and neighbor pack for a NY move, then I took about three hours to get dressed and make myself presentable. Horribly enough, even after those hours of contemplation, there was a girl out wearing, and I quote my friend Meatball here, "the same color scheme" as I was. Downer.

I tried to catch the end of the Matt and Kim show, but I missed it. Everyone there was very young, like really cute, tiny and infantile. Feeling like a dinosaur, I shuffled over to O.H.W.O.W. which my friend referred to as something like, "Oh, wow. This sucks." The two other times I've been to the space, for Confection and during Basel, I was mostly impressed. However, I think WMC can ruin just about anything, this being proof.

I waited for 40 minutes for a warm beer. The lonely and busy bartendress was bombarded with people hungry for drink, like myself. I've noticed no one ever tips these art opening beer-slingers. Give em a buck, you cheap bastards.

The photography was forgettable, and after the gallery was closed, the other room turned into a sauna-like rave area, dark and uninviting. Where the Black Lips show was sweaty and fun, this was just sweaty and borderline frightening. Someone else referred to it as resembling a high school party, and I added, minus the perks of a cold keg.

I swung by the newest Wynwood party place, the Awarehouse. I know there was a busy opening there a few weeks back, but it was pretty quiet when we arrived. The space is really large and airy, with both inside and outside areas. It's reminiscent of the old Ice Palace where NADA has it's annual art fair (across from PS14). It think that it'll be used well during Basel.

Lastly, I would like to brag about what a do-gooder I am. Tomorrow I'm heading up to Tallahassee to lobby our state legislators to expand medicaid/Kidcare, protect immigrants, remove ridiculous tax exemptions and other such well intentioned stances to money/access issues. If you want to give money to support me and the others, click here. I'm excited to volunteer, but dreading the bus ride up. Yes. The bus. The mere thought fills me with dread. Hopefully it will be a fruitful journey and I'll have loads to report back.

Black Lips and Mt. Sinai, bro

As you can see, I went to the Black Lips show at Churchill's. And though the show was fun, it wasn't the ultimate highlight of my evening, which was watching victims of the WMC at Mt. Sinai's ER. But I'll get to that in a minute. 

This is the third time I've seen Black Lips perform, both other times were in '06 in NY. First time, they opened at Roseland for the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and it was, ok, sort of forgettable, as was the YYY's show (boring). The second time they opened for Be Your Own Pet at Bowery Ballroom, and that was a great performance. They were more raw then. They didn't piss on the crowd, as they were known for doing in the past, but two of them smooched and there was some

 

spitting and other fun stage antics. That night though, we didn't even stay for the opening act, because a guy from the Canadian band Demon's Claws opened fire on the crowd with a fire extinguisher. Freaking Canadians, I love you.

Miami's own Jacuzzi Boys opened last night with a new band member who looked like the Muppet Swedish Chef but was wearing an ensemble dangerously similar to my own (pictured above). Churchill's was packed to the brim. Luckily it was cool outside, because otherwise, I think we all would have melted. Surprisingly, the audience was moderately sane, and although some kids were jumping off the stage at the end of the Black Lips set, during the "appropriately named" song, "Bad Kids," there wasn't any major crowd damage.   

I have to say, Black Lips is the cutest band out there. I mean, they're adorable and under 25. The one is gay, I think, as he kisses boys and said on stage last night, "I don't dig girls" (that's an indicator). The music, although an obvious revival of garage of days past, stands on its own, with lyrics that address a contemporary audience of youngsters. I give em a 4 out of 5.

I had a good time. Front row, I sweat through my dress and my hair - very unattractive. In typical Miami, bro style, I wanted a picture with my favorite little black lip, and he was more than kind about obliging (in your face Matt Damon). He even indulged me with a compliment and a staged picture (below - don't judge me. I was sweaty, not greasy, I swear).  

After the show, as we ladies were leaving, my friend suddenly felt ill and passed the fuck out. She hit the band's van and then the gravel, and luckily one of the roadies, who looked a little too clean cut, helped her into my car. I have to say, the whole crew of them were compassionate as my girls rushed to the aid of my lightheaded friend. In order to avoid the fright of the Jackson emergency room, I rushed my friend over to Mt. Sinai, which is a pretty clean, quiet place. 

However, there, we did experience a creepy shirtless man, also parked on a nearby gurney, who happened to take a liking to us. In a low voice, he made lewd remarks about our anatomy and blew us pervy kisses. There was an out-of-towner who had been hit on the head with a champagne bottle and who had enjoyed the delights of ecstasy. He started a fight with his friend, on site, classy dude. Another lovely specimen strolled by in a tiny leopard print dress, big hair and --- bare feet! There's nothing more repulsive than bare feet on South Beach or bare feet on a hospital floor except for someone's feet who have experienced both. 

The nurses there were really nice, if you happen to pass out outside of Churchill's, I'd recommend Mt. Sinai. All in all, an eventful night. 

WMC Stuff. Don't be overwhelmed, bro.

So, these flyers are tiny... I guess I'll just tell ya what's on there. Tonight, go by The Standard and check out Panic Bomber 8-midnight. Matt and Kim will perform Saturday at the Upper East Side Garden, 6-11. After that, Otto, Jose El Rey and others will be performing at PS14, Miami Zoo. Poplife has a Saturday party at White Room.

Rokbar has an interesting lineup: Thursday is a Poplife event with A-Trak, Macy Grey and Junior Sanchez on Friday (WTF? What am I missing here?), and on Saturday, Cut Copy, The Presets and Tommie Sunshine - sounds kinda like a great party. 

Have fun, don't act too much like a-holes and avoid the eurotrash. 

If you have good taste in jewelry and a feminine spirit...

Come by and see Senufa's show at Transit Lounge (729 S.W. 1st Ave.) on Saturday, from 7-10.

There's some other stuff going on there too:

SWAN spoken soul showcase volume 2inspired by the Fund for Women Artists
With spoken word, art, photography, fashion and music, FREE admission - silent auction.

Fox's and Abel?

I know the flyer's too small to read, but go by Fox's tonight. It's 2 for 1 after 11 and Abel has some sort of musical plans for the night. 

PS 14, tonight, bro

Art is so cool, bro. But like for real though.

This Saturday at FIU South, in their newish music hall, there will be a multimedia presentation featuring recordings of sea sounds by some dude and stop motion animation by Venessa Monokian. It starts at 8, it's free. No excuses. 

There's an opening at MOCA on the 25th, featuring work by Jen Stark and a bunch of other people you've heard of. Click here for info. 

For other local art events, check out Artlurker. 

Anyone out there who really, really loves inanimate objects?

Watch Married To The Eiffel Tower [Part 1] in Entertainment  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Thanks for sharing, Nathan!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Be like 1/8th of me and get stupid in celebration of your Irishness tonight. Toast one for my Murray ancestors.

The Gables will be the grossest yet most appropriate outpost for people attempting to express their Irish side (this side either is frighteningly pasty or sunburnt/drinks to fight or passes out on the street/wears embarrassing green garb).

On the menu:

Irish car bomb

Jameson shots

Green beer

This year, I'm posting a four leaf clover because good luck is rare and I think we all need a little right now.

Calle, bro

I ate some pan con lechon at Calle Ocho, checked out fancy ghetto wear for the churns, watched Jose el Rey perform with Debbie of Avenue D and then wandered back to my friends' house and passed the hell out. Like a bag of bricks. That's my story. Not a lot to it. But the sandwich was outta control. Out-ta control delicious. 

Why is the media never accountable? Why don't people think?

NY Times article - pretty entertaining.

Jim Cramer from CNBC's Mad Money has been showing up on Comedy Central quite a bit lately. I saw him the other night on The Colbert Report, where my hero merely mocked him with images of kittens and puppies flashing behind his bald skull. Jon Stewart took a much more aggressive approach to Cramer and CNBC's coverage of the crashing markets, mostly in being irresponsible, giving poor advice and misinformation, encouraging this current crisis. You can watch the interview at The Daily Show.

I don't want to comment on the media's manipulation of markets as much as the market's allowance of this manipulation. I've been contemplating writing a counter argument to the women-body image-media claims that bulimia is a product of television, at that sort of body image stuff. I don't entirely buy it, won't get into it now. However, I do think that that the mainstream media does its best to attempt to fill the public's heads with misinformation. Fine. That's the role of the media, sell ideas, sell airtime, sell, sell, sell. What fascinates me though, is that the public goes for it.  

In this case, it was important that CNBC should have acted as a mouthpiece for the "market" in favor of the viewers, which it didn't do. I can't agree with Stewart more. Stewart mentions that CNBC doesn't have to be a watchdog for the industry, but the message is that it should uphold a level of integrity and accountability, not tricking viewers into bad financial decisions, etc. 

What is terribly tragic that that Jon freaking Stewart, host of Comedy Central's The Daily Show is the most high-profile character acting as a media watchdog. Comedy Central. The media should have the viewership's best interest in mind, especially in this case, where such large sums of money are at stake.

It's no surprise that cable television or any media, for that matter, cannot be trusted. I think that anyone who encounters any periodical and believes entirely what they are reading or watching or hearing is a sad, mindless creature. Please, if you are one of them, take what I said personally, it's not "not about you" it is about you. You are the one who decides to believe or not. If you are bright and questioning, you will understand that even NPR is wrong sometimes. 

A little more than six years back, I was a very active anti-war, or peace, activist. Although I grew up in an environment that fostered creative thinking, and I always knew about liberal media to a certain extent, I think that my experience with the anti-war movement, as anorexic as it was locally, really pulled into perspective for me the level of false information out there. The "movement" in Miami was me and a handful of older, brilliant gentleman crusaders. There were other groups around town, but ours was the most inclusive and planned the biggest rallies by the Freedom Tower. The network of these people helped give solid reference and facts to support my paranoid, but correct instincts. However, I didn't need a network of well informed individuals to hint that maybe the TV wasn't telling the truth all the time.

I have seen people's perspectives broaden since we invaded Iraq. More young people have gotten involved. What horrifies me is that they weren't involved before, when it fucking mattered. Before we killed almost 100,000 Iraqis. Before they reelected Bush. Now we're all in the shitter economically, and I feel like you all deserve it, but I don't. I just can't imagine feeling any pity for the Americans who can't even think creatively enough to reject whatever the media spews at them. I mean, if you don't understand the stock market/big business/big brother, make some smart friends whom you can trust. If you can't trust anyone, move to a remote farm and don't invest. People, think and then act after you've thought. 

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Market Psychology - Jim Cramer

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
NASA Name Contest

Saturday Stuff

This Saturday will be yet another art walk. The closing for the Hate Show will be taking place from 7-midnight at 3841 NE 2nd Ave, Ste 103. The entrance is on 39th Street. There will be booze and fun. Come out if you missed the opening, or if you just want a free drink.

There are openings at the Dorsch, Twenty Twenty (Bhakti Baxter and Jay Hines) and O.H.W.O.W. 

The Brazilian Girls or some portion thereof will be performing or spinning at an opening of a new space, the Awarehouse. The name fails to impress, but new spaces are always interesting. 

It's also not far from O.H.W.O.W. in Wynwood, 550 NW 29th Street, so you can spend your whole night in the ghetto. On your bikes, you will appear as moving targets, so I would suggest driving. 

Tonight, swing by Churchill's at 10 for Sketchy's final performance before Danny L. moves to NYC.  

King Khan and the Shrines made Vagabond's Saturday night

I first heard of King Khan and BBQ Show from my musically well-informed friend, Emily, a couple of years back while we were living in New York. I never expected these guys to become Miami "regulars," having performed last year at Churchill's and last weekend at Vagabond. On Saturday, King Khan even said Miami was his favorite city. Which is funny, since most of the crowd is probably counting down the days before they can get to their parentally-funded lofts off of Lorimer. 

King Khan and the Shrines played probably one of the best shows Miami has seen in awhile. It was quirky, fun and there was enough energy in the room to power the L train for weeks. The sexy, soulfully psychedelic music was one element, but the real show was the audience, which was openly involved. Many were crowd-surfing and stage-diving. Some of them were aggressive assholes, some more in it just for fun. King Khan was the highlight of the show, at one point pulling Diego of the Jacuzzi Boys on stage and introducing him as his son and then bringing Kizzy up as "his wife." A family affair, I suppose. Hopefully they return soon to the sunny city locals love to hate, and which King Khan claims to love.

How cute is Kizzy?

Joaquin Phoenix performing in Miami, bro

Can you believe this? It's at the Fontainebleau. I think he will be rapping. I think it shouldn't be missed.

and upcoming, Fischerspooner

Guest Blogger: Farrah Crashes Ted Kennedy's Birthday

My cousin Farrah snuck into Ted Kennedy's birthday bash, and wrote a mass e-mail about it, which I'm converting into this bragging blog. The good part is where Obama sings happy birthday to Ted. I made my commentary in purple. 

I have been volunteering the past few weekends at the Kennedy Center for the Arabesque festival and have been posted in the main Halls of the Nations and States since I am an Arabic Interpreter, etc. It has been fun for the most part but also a great connection into the political elites' circle...

So, last night I politico-star gazed as many VIPs walked the red carpet en route to Sen. Ted Kennedy's Birthday Tribute Concert. It was so cool for political nerds! I saw, shook hands with, and chatted a little about foreign policy to the Middle East with Sen. John Kerry (She shook his hand and said, "inshallah, peace in Gaza!") and also chatted with journalist Chris Matthews, and was inches away from Caroline Kennedy, Maria Shriver, James Taylor, Tom Daschel, Wolf Blitzer, John McCain (to whom she literally gave one of her trademark hideous monkey faces) and Lieberman (both horrors), Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, among many others who I recognized from CSPAN but can't remember names.

I managed to snag a ticket for myself to go into the tribute concert after my shift ended. Bill Cosby was the host, John Williams was the conductor, James Taylor performed, among many other musicians. I saw Michelle Obama sitting next to Sen. Kennedy and VP Biden. Kerry was behind them but there was an empty seat next to Michelle.  I was maybe 50 feet away on the 1st tier, and they were one level below me on the box level.  THEN Bill Cosby came out for the finale and made a cheesy joke about how nobody at restaurants ever begin to sing "Happy Birthday" on the right note but that "we have a special guest here tonight to start off on the right note." Then out walked President Obama and he began to sing, as the audience joined in  "Happy Birthday to Teddyyyyyy."  Obama went back to greet Sen. Kennedy and I got to wave to him ~ he didn't see me. BUT maybe one day I can work with the team...? It was a great once-in-a-life time opportunity to see how the Senate "parties" and I was so glad to have been a part of it.  

BBC video of the singing.

Pictures from the event.

More pics. 

Drink down

According to The Economist, world consumption of champagne is down for the first time since 2000. Someone actually created this graph. I just like the naked old guy. 

Shake that ass, bro

I hadn't yet made it out to Shake, the hip hip night at Vagabond. So last Thursday, I had a ride out and decided that that was the day my Shake cherry would be popped.

It started out looking like a sausage fest, which I wouldn't call a downside for myself, but for the boys, it might be. Eventually though, the crowd's gender demographics diversified. The crowd was definitely not that of Friday/Saturday night Vagabond hipster scene, nor was it like the old Thursday night Money$hot crowd. I was impressed by the difference in pull Shake had. Lots of crispy curls and baggy jeans, and everyone was dancing, shaking booties, making out. I liked it.

Bringing me back to elementary school, Mike Tyson's Punch-out! was set up and playable on a large screen at the front bar. All night drink specials were good, cheap cuba libres and Colt 45 tall-boys. There was a chugging contest

The highlight was Alex Caso spinning Latin music in the back patio. Every once in a while this guy in a guayabera would emerge from the darkness to play along on his trumpet. The whole concept was brilliant. It's always thrilling to get a little live music when you're not expecting it. All of these elements came together to create the atmosphere of a fun house party that you're glad you got invited to, got drunk at and where you got to dance stupidly to really good, classic Miami music.

FYI Digable Planets will be performing at Shake on April 16th.

Stem-cells and coffee

This morning, I swung by Dunkin' Donuts, the one on US 1 and 27th Ave. I love DD coffee, and this one spot is kind of great because they have a new flat screen TV in the corner, which is usually airing MSNBC or CNN, so I get a touch of news with my beverage.

This morning, I saw Obama's mug on the screen, and the caption read of lifting the ban on stem-cell research. As I waited to get my bagel, some horrendous, judgemental creature with a distinctively Miami accent starts running her mouth, encouraged by a redneck in a baseball cap. She said loudly, "it's disgusting and unnatural!"

Very insightfully, she continued to tell some inane, unrelated story about her friend who couldn't conceive and who had frozen embryos and how they were babies or something equally archaic. She made sure to not use her "church voice" which would have been more appropriate, because she was so boringly Catholic.

It took all of my will-power to not ask her how she was going to feel about the scientific advancements they'd be making once her or her loved ones developed MS or leukemia.

Before strides are made in this area of medical research, people should have their opinions notarized, and once new treatments are found, those who spoke out so ignorantly on the subject, such as my DD bud, should whip out their statements and be asked once again if they really want to be treated with advancements that were found so "unnaturally." Maybe they'll refuse treatment, be denied treatment (never in America).

Much of my family is very Catholic. In that I mean many of them suffer through hours of deeply uninteresting masses every year. None of them are pro-life and none of them wouldn't support stem-cell research. It is perfectly possible to maintain your own faith and still remain progressive. You have to recognize that there is room to have a spiritual life without imposing your judgments on other people. I think that is the truly spiritually path, one that is without restrictions and punishment, one of forgiveness. If you're into JC, you might be into acceptance. If you're going to get all New Testament, do it right, and please, please do not ruin my morning screaming about it in the freaking Dunkin' Donuts on 27th Ave.

Tragically, it's impossible to change these people's minds and too difficult to lobotomize them all.
I admittedly am imperfect, and I have difficulty accepting their rants. Mostly it's not because of what they believe, but more because they're trying to hinder the actions of others.

To them I say, lay off, annoying preachers. No one cares what you think about abortion, stem cell research, the death penalty or if you're pro-war (if you're pro-peace, lift your voices high). For all you know, the person next to you may need that research to save their life, and you are basically wishing them dead, all for a cluster of undeveloped cells in a test tube in Virginia.

Miami International Film Festival - almost over!!!

It's not actually almost over; you've got about a week left to see some films. I was flipping through the book, and here are some you might want to see, or not.

For all you indie motherfuckers and intellectual-ish hipsters, Michel Gondry is one of three directors of Tokyo, a creepy movie about the Japanese city. Showing at the Lincoln Road theater on Sunday at 9:15 p.m.

Malcolm Mclaren directed Shallow, which displays people about to have sex set to his own music. Great date flick, if you're horny. Showing on Wed. at 9, Miami Beach Cinematheque on Espanola.

Both charming and beautiful Natalie Portman and the ever frightening Demi Moore (Benjamin Button?) directed shorts that will be shown on Thurs. (Tower Theater at 6:30) and Fri. (Regal on Lincoln Road at 6:45).

On Fri. and Sat. at the Tower Theater, Faces and Shadows, John Cassavetes movies, will be screened.

For more info on Miff, click here.

Shit you missed:
In 8, believe it or not, eight directors have composed a film addressing the UN's Millennium Development goals to halve world poverty by 2015 (good luck!). Directors include Abderrahamne Sissako, Gael Garcia Bernal, Gaspar Noe, Mira Nair, Jame Campion, Gus Van Sant, Jan Kounen and Wim Wenders.

Berlin Calling looks incredibly not interesting, but it got a bunch of press. It's about a DJ and his nagging girlfriend. He does too many drugs and ends up in the mental hospital. It's like a weekend at White Room.

Keys Weekend

I had a wonderful and exciting opportunity to hit a few of the Florida Keys last weekend. I didn't roam further south than Lower Matecumbe, an island that I hadn't spent much time on in the past, but which I enjoyed greatly. I sort of screwed up and my pictures won't upload, but you get the idea.


There are many reasons Miamians don't visit the Keys often enough. I think the main one is - where the fuck do you stay when you're there? I was invited by two spectacular people to crash the 60th birthday party of one of their fathers, someone I had never met. We stayed at a furnished house that's on the market, across the street (in case you're looking to buy). Both places were on canals. It was, in a word or three, chill as fuck.

The hosts were kind and generous with their booze, champagne and beer. A sort of Keys kindness harder to find on the mainland. The party was also catered by a place on Islamorada called Spanish Gardens Cafe, and the food was delicious. We went out on the boat the next day. That is the way to live. I mean, given that you have some money and a shit ton of leisure time. A great option.

The middle picture is of a strange giant yoni, you might recognize as a conch shell, but which is actually a huge vagina at Theater of the Sea.




Have any of you stayed at the Islander? I want to sleep under the sign it's so awesome.

Jimmy Fallon?

So far this evening, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon has been mediocre, but I must note that Justin Timberlake's Michael McDonald impression was admirable. Cheers JT. Love MMD. 

Good news, poor people

Federal Additional Compensation (FAC) ($25 Additional Benefits)
Recent legislation may entitle you to an additional $25.00 per week, beginning with the week ending February 28, 2009. The first payment should be issued by March 31 and will be issued as a separate payment each time weeks are paid. An additional payment will be issued for all eligible weeks paid prior to the date the Agency began issuing these $25.00 payments. The week ending July 3, 2010 will be the last payable week for the additional $25.00 payment. No action is necessary on your part to qualify for these payments.