By my little bro, Jimmy T.
Don Henley's legacy should be a matter of vigorous public debate.
In my mind, the Eagles' country-influenced songs, such as "Peaceful Easy Feeling," are far more valuable than plugged-in efforts like "Life in the Fast Lane." Henley's contributions as a solo artist have a more consistent "Lite FM" sound, but the lyrics of his well-known ballads offer glimpses into his personal changes through the '80's. Whereas "The Boys of Summer," with its charging rhythm and various rehashings, remains popular with the next generation, the contextual significance of a Baby Boomer anthem leaves me disconnected from Henley's creative impetus. "The Heart of the Matter," on the other hand, describes an experience not of nostalgia, but of renewal and optimism to which anyone can relate.
The song opens as the story of a man who learns of his ex-lover's new relationship. Henley meditates on the "struggles we went through" before asserting "I'm learning to live without you now," awkwardly adding, "though I miss you sometimes." The prechorus is the strongest part of the song, perfectly setting up the eponymous refrain. He continues, "The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I had to learn again." As for the chorus, I love the rushed cadence of "and my thoughts..seem to scatter...and I'm thinking about...(cue the black ladies) FORGIVENESS!" The topic of breaking up and the tone of Henley's sandpaper melody betray the hope of the song's message.
The second verse includes Henley's prescription for finding one's way in a world bereft of clarity and mercy. "The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness, they're the very things we kill, I guess." Though lacking the graceful syntax of, say, a memorable rhyme by Lennon and McCartney, our man put into song an unfiltered theory about a vast and serious topic. One must doff his cap to Henley's lyrical courage.
I still cannot hear this track without thinking of dentist offices and other places where soft-rock stations played in my youth. For years, I thought this song was not only lame, but sung by Michael Bolton. Now, the volume dial turns clockwise when I pass the channel I once avoided like the plague.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
What a mission to Africa, bro.
I'm sure most of you have seen this Christian the Lion video, but it's so frigging cute and I just was sent this version with the most powerful soundtrack. I just had to post it. It reminds me of my pretty kitty and how much lovin' he gives me (fuck you, haters, at least I know how to love). Get your tear ducts ready, my little pervs. Enjoy.
Cripples are Pretty, too!
WWTDD reported on a new BBC show celebrating models that have "disabilities," i.e. they're missing limbs or in wheelchairs and such. It's called Britain's Missing Top Model.
I guess there's really only one thing to say about this, and that is: whoa.
Let me preface with my view on the fashion industry and media and the whole hoopla about girls barfing because they want to be skinny like some dumb bitch in a magazine. I just don't think that people hate their bodies and faces because of the media. If it's anyone's fault, it's that daddy never told them they were pretty or mommy's jealous of them because mommy's as big as a house and you're 14 and, I don't know, maybe daddy's leering at you or some other horrible shit.
Anyway, this media thing is such an absurd idea to me that I can't even wrap my brain around it. I've been skinny, I've been fat. I like me either way. This is because I have self-esteem, an absurd amount to be honest with you, because I realize that in life, the only person you are hurting when you hate yourself is YOU, you fucking idiot! The only thing the media makes me feel bad about is that the luxurious fabric of a Galliano gown may never grace my wanting flesh.
This Missing Model show is strange though, because it's saying two conflicting things. One is that having a pretty face matters, that you should care about being photogenic--- thus alienating most of the world who possess ugly mugs, crooked noses, bald heads, jowls, weak chins, etc. And then, on the other hand, they're saying that having a physical limitation shouldn't limit you to showing off your pretty face. It's just terrible on so many levels.
I like fat models, I think they're hot, sometimes. Chunk is yummy. Feels good. I also love America's Next Top Model, not for Tyra though, who I think is an incredible moron, but because it's sort of fascinating how they make these gawky chicks look so good on film. Here's a little tip for all you people who hate your bodies, these models hate their bodies too. If you have kids, tell them you love them, that they're beautiful, even if they're porcine. Make sure to let them know that looks don't count for much in the end, but a good sense of humor, a quick mind, and interesting life experiences make you worthwhile. And fuck what everyone else things. They're stupid and ugly anyway.
I guess there's really only one thing to say about this, and that is: whoa.
Let me preface with my view on the fashion industry and media and the whole hoopla about girls barfing because they want to be skinny like some dumb bitch in a magazine. I just don't think that people hate their bodies and faces because of the media. If it's anyone's fault, it's that daddy never told them they were pretty or mommy's jealous of them because mommy's as big as a house and you're 14 and, I don't know, maybe daddy's leering at you or some other horrible shit.
Anyway, this media thing is such an absurd idea to me that I can't even wrap my brain around it. I've been skinny, I've been fat. I like me either way. This is because I have self-esteem, an absurd amount to be honest with you, because I realize that in life, the only person you are hurting when you hate yourself is YOU, you fucking idiot! The only thing the media makes me feel bad about is that the luxurious fabric of a Galliano gown may never grace my wanting flesh.
This Missing Model show is strange though, because it's saying two conflicting things. One is that having a pretty face matters, that you should care about being photogenic--- thus alienating most of the world who possess ugly mugs, crooked noses, bald heads, jowls, weak chins, etc. And then, on the other hand, they're saying that having a physical limitation shouldn't limit you to showing off your pretty face. It's just terrible on so many levels.
I like fat models, I think they're hot, sometimes. Chunk is yummy. Feels good. I also love America's Next Top Model, not for Tyra though, who I think is an incredible moron, but because it's sort of fascinating how they make these gawky chicks look so good on film. Here's a little tip for all you people who hate your bodies, these models hate their bodies too. If you have kids, tell them you love them, that they're beautiful, even if they're porcine. Make sure to let them know that looks don't count for much in the end, but a good sense of humor, a quick mind, and interesting life experiences make you worthwhile. And fuck what everyone else things. They're stupid and ugly anyway.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
bro, it's like the freaking weekend again.
I'm getting tooth-scrape surgery today (technical term), so don't know what I'll be doing this weekend, but here's some groovy shit you should check out!
Saturday: Don't forget to go to MOCA to watch Oly and Danny L perform on Saturday at 2 p.m. It'll be a cultural experience. You know you need one, so just go.
Friday: Jacuzzi Boys are playing their last show at Vagabond before heading on their US tour. I think there are $1 beers too, which is even more incentive to go. I also think this thing is sort of early for Miami standards, not the usual 1 a.m. show. Don't quote me on that.
Thursday: Money$hot featuring THE SCION A/V TOUR with DROP THE LIME, FRANKI CHAN, RADIO CLITFREE. RSVP for complimentary admission, drinks are 2 for 1 before midnight. Vagabond, 30 NE 14 Street.
Money$hot is actually fun and if you get drunk, close your eyes and ignore the churns, it's really a good night to dance and shake your bottom.
ALSO, something wonderful has happened in our beautiful Miami town, myopenbar.com has started a Miami edition. Check it out.
Saturday: Don't forget to go to MOCA to watch Oly and Danny L perform on Saturday at 2 p.m. It'll be a cultural experience. You know you need one, so just go.
Friday: Jacuzzi Boys are playing their last show at Vagabond before heading on their US tour. I think there are $1 beers too, which is even more incentive to go. I also think this thing is sort of early for Miami standards, not the usual 1 a.m. show. Don't quote me on that.
Thursday: Money$hot featuring THE SCION A/V TOUR with DROP THE LIME, FRANKI CHAN, RADIO CLITFREE. RSVP for complimentary admission, drinks are 2 for 1 before midnight. Vagabond, 30 NE 14 Street.
Money$hot is actually fun and if you get drunk, close your eyes and ignore the churns, it's really a good night to dance and shake your bottom.
ALSO, something wonderful has happened in our beautiful Miami town, myopenbar.com has started a Miami edition. Check it out.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Hallelujah! It's raining men, gay men!
My old buddy, Ferosh just wrote an article for Miami Nights about gay sites to jam out at in town.
You can see my comment right here. This is sound advice for ladies.
"Thank you for the gay goodies. As an official hag (sad), I am constantly pestered by my homos about where to go, and when, for gay Miami fun! Maybe we can go together some time?! I must say though, if you have a vagina, DON'T GO TO TWIST. Your gays will abandon you and you'll end up getting hit on by the "one straight guy" at the bar. That guy isn't straight, he's either dealing or gay-for-pay, most probably both... and there's no way out, since no one else wants to talk to you except the tweaker who thinks he's bi. He's not, he's gay."
You can see my comment right here. This is sound advice for ladies.
"Thank you for the gay goodies. As an official hag (sad), I am constantly pestered by my homos about where to go, and when, for gay Miami fun! Maybe we can go together some time?! I must say though, if you have a vagina, DON'T GO TO TWIST. Your gays will abandon you and you'll end up getting hit on by the "one straight guy" at the bar. That guy isn't straight, he's either dealing or gay-for-pay, most probably both... and there's no way out, since no one else wants to talk to you except the tweaker who thinks he's bi. He's not, he's gay."
Goooooo, Everglades!
My former high school French teacher is quite a character. Mme Michel is special in every way. She speaks raspy English with an "eh, ese" accent, but flawless French. She's a Cuban immigrant whose blond cut resembles that of Gerard Depardieu and used to act out full heart attacks (rolling on the ground, chest clutching) in class if some French loser, someone like me, actually answered a question correctly. The most significant thing about Mme is that she is a staunch environmentalist, often dressing as Mother Earth for the Sierra Club at the Coconut Grove King Mango Strut Parade. She's a hippy inspiration.
One year she either lured my friend Stephanie and I with the promise of extra credit, or guilt, to a rally outside the Biltmore; it was Big Sugar vs. Little Everglades. President Bill Clinton was speaking that day at the hotel and we were all trying to get our message across. Well, needless to say, we were holding signs and yelling on behalf of the Land, against sugar companies that dump in our water supply and the poor workers who have limited resources and actually carry out the work. It's always a mixed bag, but ultimately, the earth is numero uno in my book. Later that day, Steph and I snuck our way to the Biltmore pool, and since we were deemed not a threat, were allowed to watch Bill pass by. I yelled, "we love you Bill!" and Stephanie yelled, "we love Chelsea!"
I am writing this today because Florida's big sugar business has seemingly capitulated, and handed over almost 300 sq miles of land, including wetlands, over to the State, at a price of course ($1.7 billion). This is wonderful news for Miami, bro! The State seems dedicated to using this land for good, not evil, and apparently the workers own 30% of the company in stocks and they'll be receiving 2 years severance pay-- no need to worry bout them. So, on this important day, I just want to congratulate Mme Michel La Belle! 1 point for Mere Terre, if you will.
One year she either lured my friend Stephanie and I with the promise of extra credit, or guilt, to a rally outside the Biltmore; it was Big Sugar vs. Little Everglades. President Bill Clinton was speaking that day at the hotel and we were all trying to get our message across. Well, needless to say, we were holding signs and yelling on behalf of the Land, against sugar companies that dump in our water supply and the poor workers who have limited resources and actually carry out the work. It's always a mixed bag, but ultimately, the earth is numero uno in my book. Later that day, Steph and I snuck our way to the Biltmore pool, and since we were deemed not a threat, were allowed to watch Bill pass by. I yelled, "we love you Bill!" and Stephanie yelled, "we love Chelsea!"
I am writing this today because Florida's big sugar business has seemingly capitulated, and handed over almost 300 sq miles of land, including wetlands, over to the State, at a price of course ($1.7 billion). This is wonderful news for Miami, bro! The State seems dedicated to using this land for good, not evil, and apparently the workers own 30% of the company in stocks and they'll be receiving 2 years severance pay-- no need to worry bout them. So, on this important day, I just want to congratulate Mme Michel La Belle! 1 point for Mere Terre, if you will.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Bro, Metallica is the shit, bro, still bro!
I was driving back from grabbing my lunch from Go-Go on Miami Beach (where everyone is always so oddly well-dressed at noon on a Tuesday), when I heard one of my favorite tunes on el radio... Metallica's One.
Just the other night, when I performed Love Bites by Def Leppard at karaoke, I was approached by one of Miami's more popular DJs, who asked me whose song it was. I was horrified at his ignorance, because I always assume that everyone knows every hair band ever, since that's when I fell in love with a very young, sexy, pre-surgery Bret Michaels. I was obsessed with this sort of music, I was about 10 and my hormones were surging lustfully. I loved to headbang at parties. No lie. I still jam out when I hear David Lee Roth's voice coming through the airwaves (Jump was like one of my top ten favs when it came out... I was almost 4). Anyway, I know Metallica isn't a hair band, exactly, but the point of the story is that my roomie told me that I shouldn't assume everyone knows this kind of music, because, essentially, they're younger or weren't exposed to it. I'll let my roommate off the hook, because he's not pumpin' up the volume to BIG 106, but everyone else should know Love Bites, One, Jump and Every Rose Has Its Thorn (yeah it does...). That's Def Leppard, Metallica, Van Halen and Poison, respectively.
Back to the point of the story: I was driving back with my lunch and jamming out to One, because it's so fucking awesome. And it dawned upon me that I was even more thrilled that their movie, Some Kind of Monster (which was a castrating documentary about the band, depicting them as lame old rockers with extreme and unmanageable ego and emotional barriers), didn't affect how KICK ASS their music sounds. Isn't that something? I mean, once I started thinking about the movie, I remembered what a fag Kirk Hammett comes across as, with his ranch, horses and Kenny G hair. And how repulsively bourgie and un-metal Lars Ulrich is when he sells his artwork at auction. Finally, poor James Hetfield. He's just pathetic in this film. It's like he never aged past 16. Anyway, back to the good news: Metallica will always rock, ALWAYS. So if you don't know, now you know. Go download some tunes.
Just the other night, when I performed Love Bites by Def Leppard at karaoke, I was approached by one of Miami's more popular DJs, who asked me whose song it was. I was horrified at his ignorance, because I always assume that everyone knows every hair band ever, since that's when I fell in love with a very young, sexy, pre-surgery Bret Michaels. I was obsessed with this sort of music, I was about 10 and my hormones were surging lustfully. I loved to headbang at parties. No lie. I still jam out when I hear David Lee Roth's voice coming through the airwaves (Jump was like one of my top ten favs when it came out... I was almost 4). Anyway, I know Metallica isn't a hair band, exactly, but the point of the story is that my roomie told me that I shouldn't assume everyone knows this kind of music, because, essentially, they're younger or weren't exposed to it. I'll let my roommate off the hook, because he's not pumpin' up the volume to BIG 106, but everyone else should know Love Bites, One, Jump and Every Rose Has Its Thorn (yeah it does...). That's Def Leppard, Metallica, Van Halen and Poison, respectively.
Back to the point of the story: I was driving back with my lunch and jamming out to One, because it's so fucking awesome. And it dawned upon me that I was even more thrilled that their movie, Some Kind of Monster (which was a castrating documentary about the band, depicting them as lame old rockers with extreme and unmanageable ego and emotional barriers), didn't affect how KICK ASS their music sounds. Isn't that something? I mean, once I started thinking about the movie, I remembered what a fag Kirk Hammett comes across as, with his ranch, horses and Kenny G hair. And how repulsively bourgie and un-metal Lars Ulrich is when he sells his artwork at auction. Finally, poor James Hetfield. He's just pathetic in this film. It's like he never aged past 16. Anyway, back to the good news: Metallica will always rock, ALWAYS. So if you don't know, now you know. Go download some tunes.
All My Churen
Two things: MAP Magazine, a local periodical that has miraculously continued publishing in the MIA, just came out with a new edition. Most local mags die out after one trip to the press. MAP is entertaining and does a good job at showcasing some local artists and musicians. You can check it out online here.
I was browsing through the Internet pages, which are illegible on my minuscule monitor, but thankfully, just looking at the images reminded me, for no particular reason, of this brilliant video art I saw at the Moore Space last art walk. We happened to stumble into the most genius art any of us had seen in a while, created by Florida native, Kalup Linzy. This dude is hilarious, brilliant, mind-boggling, disturbing, and kinda sad. This is a tatted black man, who dresses as old ladies, women, and men, and uses voices that sound like the little scary lady in Poltergeist. He's performing some sort of novellas for ghetto gays. At one point he plays a chick who calls her new boyfriend to come over, her boyfriend is a woman in drag, and once she/he arrives, they have the strangest sex scene that no nudity can provide. I actually found the scene below! Enjoy it. One of his pieces is called ''All My Churen." That is an unbeatable title in my book. I mean, ''All My Churen?'' Brilliant. And the main character in some of the videos is named Taiwan.
I guess he performed at the Moore, and I missed it, in May. I was in DC, I think. The closing is July 1, so get out there this week... or you could just check his work out on YouTube.
I was browsing through the Internet pages, which are illegible on my minuscule monitor, but thankfully, just looking at the images reminded me, for no particular reason, of this brilliant video art I saw at the Moore Space last art walk. We happened to stumble into the most genius art any of us had seen in a while, created by Florida native, Kalup Linzy. This dude is hilarious, brilliant, mind-boggling, disturbing, and kinda sad. This is a tatted black man, who dresses as old ladies, women, and men, and uses voices that sound like the little scary lady in Poltergeist. He's performing some sort of novellas for ghetto gays. At one point he plays a chick who calls her new boyfriend to come over, her boyfriend is a woman in drag, and once she/he arrives, they have the strangest sex scene that no nudity can provide. I actually found the scene below! Enjoy it. One of his pieces is called ''All My Churen." That is an unbeatable title in my book. I mean, ''All My Churen?'' Brilliant. And the main character in some of the videos is named Taiwan.
I guess he performed at the Moore, and I missed it, in May. I was in DC, I think. The closing is July 1, so get out there this week... or you could just check his work out on YouTube.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Another RIP!
I guess Alesh is just so over it and leaving behind Critical Miami. He'll be moving on to other endeavors, namely a new blog, less Miami-centric, entitled More Blog About Buildings and Food. I imagine this is a reference to one of the most beloved albums of all time (well, at least one of my favorites) More Songs About Buildings and Food. Essentially, this news for me creates this equation: Alesh + Talking Heads inspiration = Good Fucking Stuff. Thanks for former shout-outs, Alesh, and I'll miss checking in on CM, but I'll be looking forward to more of your smarts on the web. You're an awesome dude, and I'm pretty certain that you know exactly what you're doing.
Today's News Updates
"George Carlin is dead." This was my "good morning, sunshine!" after tuning into NPR on my way to work. He was only 71, and even though every other commentator believes that with all the bodily (drug) abuse he caused himself, he actually cheated time. I still think he had more in him. Maybe he was a prophet who had finally finished preaching his message of atheism, and now it was time to return to wherever it is that atheists go when they die. I wish him the best, in the earth, in heaven.
I'm sure most of you were moved by his passing as well. It seems they're dropping like flies recently. I have to say, I was most genuinely (unsarcastically) moved by Anna Nicole's death. Something about her and her son dying around the same time, and that poor cockeyed little baby rising from their ashes.
On a lighter note: you all may or may not know the new Kate Moss, Brit, it-girl, Agyness Deyen. She's been hailed as a sort of indie, fashion goddess, and I will admit, she does have style, though most young Brits dress well or at least creatively, and she's got a buttload of cash to work with. I thought there might be a glimmer of actual cool hope for this babe, but now I see she's dating the guitarist from the Strokes. Ugh, they make me shiver with snobby disgust. The Strokes make musical diarrhea. And, on top of that, please, check this guy out. He's like, I can't even describe it, his mediocrity is overwhelming. He's even sitting like a woman in this picture, with his toothpick legs and old man pants, and apparently he has fleas, as he is shamelessly digging into his ear. Point being, these two nauseate me. Though, if I had to make out with a chick, she'd do alright.
I'm sure most of you were moved by his passing as well. It seems they're dropping like flies recently. I have to say, I was most genuinely (unsarcastically) moved by Anna Nicole's death. Something about her and her son dying around the same time, and that poor cockeyed little baby rising from their ashes.
On a lighter note: you all may or may not know the new Kate Moss, Brit, it-girl, Agyness Deyen. She's been hailed as a sort of indie, fashion goddess, and I will admit, she does have style, though most young Brits dress well or at least creatively, and she's got a buttload of cash to work with. I thought there might be a glimmer of actual cool hope for this babe, but now I see she's dating the guitarist from the Strokes. Ugh, they make me shiver with snobby disgust. The Strokes make musical diarrhea. And, on top of that, please, check this guy out. He's like, I can't even describe it, his mediocrity is overwhelming. He's even sitting like a woman in this picture, with his toothpick legs and old man pants, and apparently he has fleas, as he is shamelessly digging into his ear. Point being, these two nauseate me. Though, if I had to make out with a chick, she'd do alright.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
negligent
I have neglected my blog duties. I am so very sorry. I'm sure all ten of my loyal readers hate me right now, but in all honesty, I haven't heard of anything going down this past week and everything that has happened in my life has been a little too personal and uninteresting for the rest of you (like for instance, my parents inherited a new dog! Do you care? Not really, right?). So, here are a few upcoming events! Enjoy.
This will be taking place at the Moore Building on June 26, 7-11 p.m.
Otto's back in town, check out the shows:
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