Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bro, Metallica is the shit, bro, still bro!

I was driving back from grabbing my lunch from Go-Go on Miami Beach (where everyone is always so oddly well-dressed at noon on a Tuesday), when I heard one of my favorite tunes on el radio... Metallica's One.

Just the other night, when I performed Love Bites by Def Leppard at karaoke, I was approached by one of Miami's more popular DJs, who asked me whose song it was. I was horrified at his ignorance, because I always assume that everyone knows every hair band ever, since that's when I fell in love with a very young, sexy, pre-surgery Bret Michaels. I was obsessed with this sort of music, I was about 10 and my hormones were surging lustfully. I loved to headbang at parties. No lie. I still jam out when I hear David Lee Roth's voice coming through the airwaves (Jump was like one of my top ten favs when it came out... I was almost 4). Anyway, I know Metallica isn't a hair band, exactly, but the point of the story is that my roomie told me that I shouldn't assume everyone knows this kind of music, because, essentially, they're younger or weren't exposed to it. I'll let my roommate off the hook, because he's not pumpin' up the volume to BIG 106, but everyone else should know Love Bites, One, Jump and Every Rose Has Its Thorn (yeah it does...). That's Def Leppard, Metallica, Van Halen and Poison, respectively.

Back to the point of the story: I was driving back with my lunch and jamming out to One, because it's so fucking awesome. And it dawned upon me that I was even more thrilled that their movie, Some Kind of Monster (which was a castrating documentary about the band, depicting them as lame old rockers with extreme and unmanageable ego and emotional barriers), didn't affect how KICK ASS their music sounds. Isn't that something? I mean, once I started thinking about the movie, I remembered what a fag Kirk Hammett comes across as, with his ranch, horses and Kenny G hair. And how repulsively bourgie and un-metal Lars Ulrich is when he sells his artwork at auction. Finally, poor James Hetfield. He's just pathetic in this film. It's like he never aged past 16. Anyway, back to the good news: Metallica will always rock, ALWAYS. So if you don't know, now you know. Go download some tunes.


Spider63 said...

I don't think they have put out a good album since the black album (Enter Sandman?). And yes, Lars comes across like a little bitch and the fact that they don't let their concerts get torrent-ed, etc., just goes to show.

Anonymous said...

A rare TRIPLE 'bro'. Impressive.