The Girls of Politics

Stolen from Sweat, bro

I have stolen some information off the Sweat Records blog. I have some commentary on the following upcoming events.

Henry Rollins, I love you. Of course the sexy man, Rollins, is coming to town when I'm outta town. My brother saw him in DC last year outside his apartment and totally didn't give him my number, WHICH SUCKS! I was like, Jim, I'm single and entering/exiting my prime baby-making years, couldn't you have hooked it up? I guess not. You all can see him this weekend.
SEPTEMBER 27th + SEPTEMBER 28th @ REVOLUTION: HENRY ROLLINS. 7pm. 200 W Broward Blvd, Ft. Lauderdale. www.jointherevolution.net

Potheads, yo!
SEPTEMBER 27th @ FILLMORE MIAMI BEACH: CHEECH & CHONG'S LIGHT UP AMERICA comedy tour! 6pm. 1700 Washington Ave, Miami Beach.

All things Obama are all things good. Fight for justice and diversity and vote responsibly. You can read and share about the fabulous candidate at Sweat.
OCTOBER 8th @ SWEAT RECORDS: The SWEAT BOOKS BOOK CLUB meets to discuss "THE AUDACITY OF HOPE" by BARACK OBAMA! 8pm. 5505 NE 2nd Ave.

Be a part of art:
OCTOBER 9th @ SWEAT RECORDS: TM SISTERS LIVE VIDEO-MIXING AT SWEAT RECORDS FOR A FEATURE FILM! Come be an extra in Miami filmmaker AIDEN DILLARD's new art world thriller "DEATH PRINT." 7pm. 5505 NE 2nd Ave.

Common is nice looking.
OCTOBER 10th @ FILLMORE MIAMI BEACH: COMMON with N*E*R*D. 1700 Washington Ave, Miami Beach.

For Nathan:
OCTOBER 10th @ POLISH AMERICAN CLUB: PopLife, The Rhythm Foundation and MAP Magazine present YELLE. 8pm. www.epoplife.com. 1250 NW 22nd St.

Sedaris brings it.
OCTOBER 15th @ KNIGHT CONCERT HALL AT THE ARSHT CENTER: DAVID SEDARIS: "When You Are Engulfed In Flames." 1300 Biscayne Blvd.

Of course you remember Dolly's coming.
OCTOBER 17th @ MIZNER PARK AMPHITHEATER: DOLLY PARTON. 8pm. 590 Plaza Real, Boca Raton.

I find Coldplay to be quite a torturous listen. They lead me to the brink of suicide and tempt me to take the plunge. I think the US government should use their maudlin songs as torture instead of waterboarding.
NOVEMBER 9th @ BANK ATLANTIC CENTER:COLDPLAY. 8pm, 2555 Panther Pkwy.

On the other hand, I still love The Black Crowes. Mostly though I just REALLY love "The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion" album, but I have always been too cheap to go see them live. This time I will make an effort since it's right here on the Beach.
NOVEMBER 11th @ FILLMORE MIAMI BEACH: THE BLACK CROWES. 8pm, 1700 Washington Ave.

This will be worth going to.
NOVEMBER 29th @ CHURCHILL'S: New Art School presents QUINTRON AND MISS PUSSYCAT with THE JACUZZI BOYS and MR. ENTERTAINMENT AND HIS POOKIESMACKERS!! 5501 NE 2nd Ave. www.newartschool.net

...and on a related topic

Miamians are the hottest in the country. It's official. Thanks, Nick for sharing about our beauty!

Makeup, the big deceiver

Eva Longoria with makeup on and her ET hand, and Eva with nothing to hide.

I personally am not a huge fan of WEARING makeup. I have worked selling it in the past, and I think it's fun to put on, but, uh, I don't want some dude thinking I look like I appear to look like I look in makeup all the time. That's just bad business; you're setting everyone up for disappointment. I mean, in the morning I look more like homegirl on the right up there than Devine.
Yo, if you're really ugly and/or have shitty skin, go for it, but otherwise, I think girls wear too much crap on their faces. I'm getting a bit too old to be as barefaced as I normally am. But, fuck it. I'm too lazy in the morning to put anything on, I barely can brush my teeth. Beside that, I'm part hippy; my mom wears Birks. I still won't wear foundation, ever.
Also, Miami is the worst place for make up because you sweat it off as soon as you have a drink in the heat. And then you appear cartoonish with all the colors mixing as they melt down your face. I think it's kind of counterproductive.

Now, back to Eva over here. Isn't it incredible how different she looks with nothing on her face? Really something to contemplate. She's not ugly or anything, just another creature entirely. I used to work at a makeup counter and there was a girl who was pretty and looked great with make up on, but I always wanted a glimpse of her before she lathered it all up. One morning before a staff meeting, I saw her and it was like the strangest thing, like seeing a fetus before it comes out of the womb. She was still a lovely lady, but Lord, it was like this whole Eva thing. Overwhelming. I feel like I don't know who people are when they wear so much shit on their faces. Get real girls, and keep them faces clean.

Byrne Byrne Byrne!!!

Maybe you don't know, or maybe you do know that David Byrne is the awesomest dude that I used to keep almost meeting. What I mean by this is that I love him, and I had four separate opportunities to meet him, and I fucked up each time. Let me outline:

1. My friend, the talented and beautiful Armando Alexander, invited me to go to a Matador party, but I had this horrible gig in NY where I had to drive all over the fucking country by myself, and I had just gotten back from a week alone, in Vermont. I was about to die from exhaustion, and probably depression, so I missed the fucking party where they all met and hung out with The Byrne, or My Byrne, as I like to think of him.

2. I had to go to a family friend's wedding in NJ with my ex and our friends Monotract were playing at, the now defunct, Tonic. They were going on right after whatshername from Ican'tfuckingremembergoodworldmusicishjapanesesingerband, and we decided that after such a long drive back to Manhattan, we were too tired, no, wait, I lie, we hung around NJ too long drinking and wasting Byrnetime, and David Byrne was in the audience of this fucking concert we were supposed to be at, and I blew it. Roger ended up talking to him though, right? 

3. This is my personal favorite. Picture it, Art Basel 2006, The Raleigh Hotel. A few friends and I run by the bouncers to sit front row at the Devendra Banhart show thrown by Deitch Projects, we left behind my brother and my friend who weren't interested in the dangerous life. I guess my brother saw a guy with a white blazer and huge shoulder pads and laughed to himself about how he'd lie to me about seeing my hero, when I returned, he said, not believing it himself, "Dude, David Byrne was here! You missed it." Still not believing he actually saw The Byrne, he said he was kidding. Well, turns out it was him, everyone else saw the shoulders from the front and it was DB. Fate rubbed it in my face, again. 

4. This one was just cruel. Same Basel, different chicks meeting up with me. I was already inside the Delano waiting for them, and they ALL saw him ride his freaking bike right by, just like that. Rode on by. Waved. I didn't get a wave. A nothing. No Byrne. 

I bring up this wonderful hero because he and Brian Eno, another melodic champion, made an album together after 30 years of not collaborating. I'm listening to it right now and loving the ever young, shining star Byrne and the brilliant Eno. I wish they would make musical love all the time. Everything That Happens Will Happen Today

MAP Magazine and free drinks and art and stuff.

I would also date my own daughter.

This is the Hulk, his girlfriend and daughter, and they all look alike. Is this a shared aesthetic thing, or just a molester thing? I can't decide. I mean, obviously they all look alike, but Brooke's mom looked like that too, and the murderer brother had a similar appeal. Then there are those pictures of Hulk Hogan putting lotion on Brooke's butt. How is that appropriate? My father just doesn't touch my bottom. It just doesn't happen, because it's strange. Can someone explain this to me? Please, fast. So confused.

Rudy Crew: the man in the mirror

I guess the Miami-Dade County Public School Board fired their Superintendent, Rudy Crew, yesterday. I tried calling my mom to get teacher feedback on this, but she's ignoring me. They paid him out about $300k... money taken directly from classrooms and teacher salaries. I believe that they really, really hate him. I say, fuck the teachers, let them buy their own supplies, they don't need cars that drive, or to live in houses. I'm sure they'll be fine on the streets with unpaid college debt. Way to educate, Rudy.

I do have a Rudy Crew story of my own. They were having a School Board meeting at my place of employment, and he was parked illegally outside the building. I was asked to move his car for him. Of course he drives a monstrous SUV that smelt of dogs, but the real pleasure was when I turned the car on, MJ blared from the speakers: "I'm looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways..." I almost shit myself. I guess Rudy couldn't change his ways. He's outta luck; bye bye.

Did anyone hear about this?

Jonathan Richman, Monday, Oct 06, 2008 ,9:00 PM (8:00 PM Doors) at Common Grounds?

Another Art Walk- Some Openings

Locust Projects: Clifton Childree: DREAM-CUM-TRU, live performances by the artist at 8 and 10 p.m.
Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin, Daniel Arsham
David Castillo Gallery Tuttle, a group exhibition featuring Jenny Brillhart, Nicolas Lobo, Leyden Rodriguez-Casanova, Tom Scicluna, Molly Springfield, and Frances Trombly within the legacy of Richard Tuttle.
Dorsch Gallery Brandon Opalka
Spinello Gallery Federico Nessi: Emotional Response Can Be Deconditioned

I will MAKE you like me!!!

I hate to pick on Palin, since she's a female, and ultimately that means she bears little influence over the public arena, at least in our culture. And I like women more than men, since I am one. However, this person is actually a nightmare for all other women and gays out there; sort of a mixed bag of horrible and backwards: anti-gay, anti-abortion rights.
For instance, here's a newish one: her church promotes gay conversion. For all you out there who haven't met anyone from these church groups, I will let you know that they are scary, deluded people who want to force homos into holding hands in a romantic manner with churchgoing straights. I blame them alone for the perpetuation of HIV/AIDS infections (due to ignorance and secretive love affairs), and for making many middle-aged divorcees miserable when they find out that their husband spent the better part of their marriage at a leather club with a wiener in his mouth, or that their wife really liked his sister more than him.

Many years ago, I had a friend who was a converted gay and part of one of these churches, and I had the opportunity to ask him all about his experience.
The conversation went like this,
I said: you're straight now, how does that work?
He said: I'm dating a girl who goes to my church.
I said: are you going to do it with her?
He said: we go on group dates, and we haven't kissed yet.
So, I said: how long have you been "dating"?
He said: like five months...
I was like: you're crazy dawg, no kissing? And how do you explain those three years with your ex-boyfriend?
He said: It was just weakness of the flesh.
I guarantee that when he's alone, he's not thinking about his woman friend. He's thinking about George Clooney. Let the gays be gay, please.

I love this girl, bro, she's fucking crazy and shit.

If you love Mother Earth, say a little prayer for her this Saturday at 7pm. Miami will be taking part in Earthdance, a global prayer for peace and also a lil' festival fun. It will be presented by Plum TV and Miami New Times, Sweat Records and others. There will be beer and music. I really can't get on their My Space site right now, because I'm in restricted webspace, but I'm sure it's worth checking out.

This is also hosted by Sweat, off their site, support our man:

BARACK 'N' ROLL BAKE SALE + VOTER REGISTRATION RALLY on Saturday, October 4th at Sweat!! The last day to register to vote in this year's election is Monday, October 6th so we're doing our part to register as many people as possible before then. In fact, we've got forms at the store right this minute. More info on this event soon but it's going to be huge.