more shnuff goin' down, and gay talk

1. Jacuzzi Boys at PS 14 next Friday. Don't miss it!

2. Check out this link for Upper East Side Garden events. They apparently have a "Gay Nite," which I'd love to go to, because I think I'm gay or something. There's not enough good gay nights around these parts anymore. I went to Magnum last weekend and got hit on by nice old lesbos, but the men looked a little aged, and not sexy or "cool," in any sense of the word. I still like it there. The Fox's of the North.

Miami used to be so gay friendly, and I know they all fled to Ft. Lauderdale, but couldn't any good parties stay behind? This post should be called "The Lamenting Hag;" I need to get a solid straight life. I am too old to be chillin' only with homos. Maybe I'll move on when I'm absolutely fat and desperate and even the gays withhold their love... nah, that'll never happen, they'll always love me, and I'll always love them.

Gay Boys and Girls:

Speaking of, you know I just learned/figured out that if you're a man and you've never gotten with chicks, only dudes, you know nothing about girl parts. Isn't that interesting? I mean, in my simple mind, I never even thought of this using basic logic. It's like if you're straight, you see all parts, ya know? There's room for comparison of all special places. Please, if you're gay and have never really "been" with a woman, write to me about how you perceive woman parts. Like really, and not just like, "ew, they're gross," because we all know that, you can say that too, I mean, but then throw something on the end like, "ew, they're gross! and they look like vomitholes." Thanks!

Some News Today

There is really no reason to read The Onion anymore when BBC News is reporting on these little nuggets of brilliance. See this cat over there, he has been credited with increasing the sales of a Japanese railroad company by 10%. The article notes that this full time employee "receives cat food in lieu of a salary."
This cat has it's OWN OFFICE and I, with my useless degrees, have a sort of hallway cubicle. I'm pathetic. And please, don't miss out on the moron in the background of this picture. I want to punch her.


Now these dudes in the photo to the right were "found," recently, by The Man. Merci Saint Anthony, because I mean, they were frantically looking for themselves everywhere! Nothing like discovering people that already exist peacefully and untainted in nature. Now that we got 'em, I'm sure we'll be forcing penicillin down their throats, clothing them with old Budweiser tee-shirts we got for free at the bar, and have no idea what to do with, and choking them with all the Red Bull and Marlboros they can handle until they're just as fucked up, modified and neurotic as the rest of us.
It's sad that I'm kind of jealous of a cat and a bunch of people in the Amazon with red paint on their bodies, isn't it?

Return of the Weirds, again

For Arabs and Patriots

From MEAPA: There will be a screening & discussion of the Film: USA vs Al-Arian, hosted by The Black Mangrove Collective, The International Group, and The South Florida Palestinian Solidarity; supported by MEAPA and Yalla So FL. Saturday, May 31, 2008, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at Books and Books, 265 Aragon Avenue, Coral Gables.
USA vs Al-Arian follows the arrest and trial of Sami Al-Arian, an Arab-American university professor accused of supporting a terrorist organization abroad. For two and a half years Dr. Al-Arian was held in solitary confinement, denied basic privileges and given limited access to his attorneys.

Studio A

Something else going on this weekend. I guess you could bid farewell to Studio A while enjoying some Berliner electronica. Apparently Modeselektor produced sound installations at the Centre Georges Pompidou in Paris, which is one of my favorite indoor places in the universe. Seriously, the UNIVERSE. That's heavy.

Yeah, Gays!

Great news, my homo buddies, you can finally get some governmental respect and legalize your romantic unions in California!
This ruling tempts me to marry a lady just because I can! I can choose to munch a coochie, right? I mean, who wouldn't choose to be discriminated against? Hate crimes are such a joy to be victimized by!
J/K, boys and girls, I know you came out of the poon like that. You guys are the greatest! XO, congrats, for realz, bro. This is thrilling news.

a little rant I wrote up for something else- nerd, dude

As a non-profit worker and a grant writer, I know that there is money out there specified for the purpose of educating and informing people on issues such as environmental awareness and activism. These are two of the most important and pressing topics of which Americans are lacking knowledge. I think that the creation of more hands on, co-op, community, organic farms would inform children, parents and the community on how to eat in an environmental friendly manner. Creating more of these locations would allow people to come together to learn about activism, public policy and advocacy; about the politics that affect us all! I think that more urban and rural community farms would connect people with the earth, and I would love to see more foundations, corporations and the government support people returning to the earth and understanding their place in the political chain. I think this would work to bring us together, and include Mother Earth in any discussion we plan to have about the future of this, or any nation.

Ain't that the truth!

Good luck, friends!

Do something useful for a change, come on!

Single-handedly SAVE THE EVERGLADES, just by typing in your name.

The Plan

Today blew a dirty, damp monkey's butt. I am ready to go home, catch a glimpse of Viggo's shinny, flopping member in Eastern Promises and drink five or six K ciders (6.9% alcohol-available at Publix-yeah boi).
Hopefully I get smashed, stumble over to The Bar and take 50 shots of whatever is cheapest, then yell and flirt with whoever will talk to me, then crawl home.

Blow Me

If you've never seen Blowfly, the "original dirty rapper," here's your chance to experience his pornographic lullabies in the sticky flesh. This hip-hop outcast dresses like a child-drag queen-super hero and sings about genital sucking and such. Unbeatable, or at least unmatchable.

He'll be performing with Otto and my super buddy Ravelstein at PS14 on Friday.

Dix in the sun

My roommate and I finally got our cable hooked up in order to satisfy my intense, nerd television cravings (i.e. Food Network, Animal Planet, "Create"). So last night, while pounding a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's AmeriCone Dream, we watched the Travel Channel's 10 Best Beach Caribbean Pools/Resorts/Bathrooms, or something with an equally unappealing title, and one of the places was named, get this, LITTLE DIX BAY. That's right: Little DIX.
Christ almighty, I laughed my ass off.
I don't know about you, but little dix are not what I'm looking for when I go on vacation.

Future Pres

Yesterday, I took the day off of work so that I could experience our future president's oratory style, firsthand. Sen. Obama spoke, at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, to a packed house of mostly African Americans. Instead of waiting with the masses, I surreptitiously snuck in with the crippled folks and other jerk-offs (or are we geniuses?) through the ADA door. Once inside, the excitement was deliciously tingly! Thousands of people coming together for the same purpose is a very inspiring experience. I forced my way onto the floor and stood for four hours in a tight crowd of angry, funny and interesting people. It was worth the wait. I made friends, enemies and had the privilege of standing less than 10 feet from one of the most convincing, elegant, eloquent, and natural speakers I have encountered.

Obama arrived to screams and cheers and immediately left the podium to walk and talk to the audience in a comfortable manner around the stage, "like Oprah," he said. He managed to joke with the attending constituents while responding to his opponents criticisms. He spoke of the importance of veterans' benefits by referring to his grandfather's service in the military during WWII. Described how the GI Bill provided his family with shelter and education, allowing him to get to where he is at today, showing that although he hasn't himself fought in a war, his family has sacrificed for this country. The audience responded the most enthusiastically to his comments on healthcare; he noted that McCain hasn't proposed his own solution to the grave injustices in our current system. That was his only mention of other candidates that I could hear (the acoustics were terrible) beside mentioning that this election is not a blame game. He stuck to defending his stances on the issues, including his rejection of suspension of the fuel task this summer, which has been supported by Hillary and McCain.

We had a lot of laughs. One guy yelled out, "we got your back, b!" Afterward, the same man told us that he would be following the Obama trail to DC. He stood as long as we did on the floor, for hours, and as we walked up the stairs, I noticed he had a significant limp. Obama had inspired us all, and made the discomfort of the wait (8 years/4 hours) worth it.

Thanks to Marco O'Toole for the brilliant photograph on his fancy phone.

Yo Majesty

Update:
I went to this show, and I was one of only FIVE people in the audience... no lie. However, Yo Majesty was so awesome. Shunda K, I guess, or GMEQCA or something, the one on the top in that picture, came up and gave Nate and I her card. She was really natural on stage; it was like she came out of the womb rhyming. And the themes were like about being a lesbo and stuff, emotional but not stupid. There were these 2 dancers on stage, a girl and a homo. He was amazing, it was like watching one of those seriously gay-er Madonna back up dancers work it hard, all smooth and sinewy. Next time, you should show up to see this.

boobs exposed

Do you guys remember that semi-homeless guy, Joaquin, that used to hang out at Churchill's and would draw your "portrait" and then scribble in large, exposed breasts right below your face?

Blog it, bro

There's an article in the NY Times about blogging that I think all y'all bloggers should read.

More Frugal Traveler

Matt Gross is the Frugal Traveler for the NY Times and fortunately, for all of us, he's setting off on a tour of Europe this year! Last year he drove the US on a budget, and I was a loyal weekly reader. I waited with extreme anticipation every Wednesday for his updates. Don't miss this summer's Grand Tour!

ashamm al hawaa'

When I was about ten or so, as we often did in the summertime, my mom drove my brother and I to visit her hometown of Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania. One day, my great Uncle George drove us,and his gambling buddy, with a lady's name, Christie, up into the Poconos to get a glimpse of the green valleys and mountains that surround that ugly, old coal mining town. As we stood at a scenic lookout point over the plunging emerald hills, Uncle George (all five hundred pounds of him), turned to us and taught Jim and I the first clean words we ever learned in Arabic: "ashamm al hawaa'"! Smell the air! We repeated the phrase again and again, memorizing it, smell the fresh air! And the air up there was worth breathing.

Over the past few days, the air has been noxiously not breath-worthy in South Florida. On Sunday, I attempted to sit in my parents' pool with my friend in from London, and as we chatted, our eyes slowly closed and became crimson while ashes fell from the sky like snow. It was repulsive and my sinuses were inflamed with anger. Every day since this fire started, I feel like my head is on fire and I'm so unbelievably tired!

The worst part is that it's not going to end anytime soon, and it was started by an arsonist. What an a-hole. Right? I mean, what's the point? How much of an erection does s/he get from watching the flames and the allergies of Miamians flare? I'll tell you one thing, it doesn't turn me on.

The Miami Herald keeps saying that the weather is changing and will improve conditions for firefighters, but they've been saying that for five days now. More than 40,000 acres have been destroyed, prisoners from Krome were removed and the habitat for the endangered Cape Sable Seaside Sparrow has been threatened. I just hope it ends soon so I can again leave my front door open and smell the deliciously hot, sweaty, Miami summer air and have my eyes returned to me less swollen.

(Thank you to my most beautiful, brilliant cousin Farrah Farley for being so linguistically talented. If you need an Arabic translator, let me know.)

Big News: Clinton and Obama in Miami!

Hey Dems, they've finally come to lure us all to the polls!

Senator Hillary Clinton "Solutions for America" on Wednesday, May 21, 2008 at University of Miami, Bank United Center 1234 Dauer Dr., Coral Gables, FL 33146. Doors Open: 6:00 p.m. Event Begins: 8:00 p.m. FREE and open to all...first-come, first-served!

Senator Barack Obama will speak at the Cuban American National Foundation Luncheon Friday, May. 23 at 12:00 pm, Intercontinental Hotel, 100 Chopin Plaza, Miami, FL 33131. Tickets: $150.00 per person. Contact Gabriel Mendoza at 305-588-0124.

http://www.miamidadedemocrats.com/
Click here for info on the upcoming, local Congressional Debates!

UPDATE:

FREE Rally!!! Broward County Rally with Barack Obama

Bank Atlantic Center One Panther Parkway, Sunrise, FL 33323

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

Doors Open: 2:00 p.m. Program Begins: 3:30 p.m.

A few local and world updates

I want to start by letting everyone know that my strong, brilliant, beautiful Lebanese sista, Diane Rehm, will be speaking in Downtown Miami this Thursday, May 22, 2008. If you don't know about her and her sad, strange, shaky voice, please tune into 91.3, WLRN, the local NPR station (for those of you who just learned to read), at 10a.m. on weekdays. Click on her for tickets.

Tragedies in the news:
Senator Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor. Those poor Kennedys. American royalty.
Patrick Swayze is going to die soon from pancreatic cancer.
An earthquake wiped out at least 13,000 people in China last week in the Sichuan Province. I need to tell you why I think China will never become the world's superpower, and this incident is reflective of my reasoning.
A cyclone in Myanmar killed more than 100,000 people.

More fun stuff:
My super cool friend Henry was promoting this, I imagine he'll be making beautiful music:
GOLD DUST LOUNGE, Friday June 6, 2008 at 7:00 PM, Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave, Coral Gables

From sweatrecordsmiami.blogspot.com, a few highlights:
Friday, May 23
--STUDIO A: YO MAJESTY 7pm, tickets: $12 in advance, $15 day of show. 60 NE 11th St.
--RAG*TRADE: Sweat Records welcomes the newest member of it's retail family. Come to the grand re-opening!! myspace.com/ragtradeco
Monday, June 2
--STUDIO A: NADA SURF perform live!! Tickets $15, 7pm. 60 NE 11th St.
Monday, June 9
--VAMPIRE WEEKEND, Tickets $20 at Sweat Records, Fillmore, 1700 Washington Ave.

There is a ton more stuff on there, including George Michael in August (I'm going). Check it out.

Some good news for your inner demons. I hear that a new Gothic party will be starting at the Upper East Side Garden, I believe the first Friday of the month! And like they'll be playing the good, dark shit, no Marilyn Manson baloney. I'll keep you updated.

Too poor to eat out, but I can dream, thanks New Times for rubbing it in

Best of New Times Miami came out on Thursday and it's online. If you happen to pick up one made of tree corpses, you may notice a familiar face in there. I'm not saying who, but he's a cutie!

Growing up, this annual review was always a big deal for me. Probably because I'm lazy and argumentative, and I want someone else to tell me what they think before I even bother with something and if you did it first, I can tell you you're wrong about whatever it was you thought. I'm a real sweety!

One year I went to Nemo on the Beach just because the New Times deemed it to have the best desserts, and lemme tell you---yummy. However, these days, my budget is as tight as my jeans, and yes, I overeat, but I can't afford to eat out as much. Instead, this issue just reminds me what a poor porker I am, unable to enjoy the unique cuisine and entertainment Miami has to offer. I'm posting some comments anyway.

Some I agree with this year are:

Best Basel Headline Grab by a Local Artist Maite Josune--- Go Maite!

Best Drag Queen Elaine Lancaster--- she's really the only Miami drag queen, right?

Best Local Clothing Designer Nektar De Stagni--- fancy schmancy

Best TV News Anchor Dwight Lauderdale--- his name is great, it's not quite Wolf Blitzer or Evan Bacon, but it'll do for So FLo.

Best Display of Wealth The Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts of Miami-Dade County--- impressive, truly.

Best Hotel Jamaica Motel--- a Calle Ocho paridise. Don't forget to tell your out of town cousins that this is the BEST HOTEL, you know, if you're paying for sex and renting by the hour.

Best Hotel to Pretend You're a Guest Sagamore Hotel--- I've done this twice at the Sagamore, pre-renovations and post. Let me tell you- it was pretty strange and neat before they made it magnificently beautiful. There were like three or four single beds in a room, single file, separated by curtains. It offered that classic, WTF-Miami Beach-glowin' with the oldies vibe.

Best Place for a First Date Upper Eastside Garden--- every time I go here, I have a great time and get just wasted enough to not hate myself the next day.

Best Place to Eat in Peace Miami City Cemetery--- oddly enough, I have actually done this.

Best Place to Nurse a Hangover Jimmy's Eastside Diner--- on the north side.

Best Politician Joe Garcia--- goooooo Dems!!!

Best Cookies The Lost & Found Saloon--- bluberry beer.

Best Acoustic Musician Rachel Goodrich--- surprisingly un-Miami, talented, fun to watch. It's great how she looks like a pre-teen and sings like a sexy sex kitten.

Best Local Album Cover Artist Arnold Steiner--- cool guy, awesome art.

Best Local Solo Musician José El Rey--- nice dude, fun performances (see old posts for pics).

Best Neighborhood Bar/Central PS14--- I have to say, even though I love it there, it's painful for me to continue going to PS all the time. I've overdone it. However, I do think that PS14 is the best place to go out in Miami that allows for dancing. That's a big compliment. And, of course, the people that work there kick ass (figuratively), and even though they often want to kick my ass out, they often show me mercy (thanks guys). I promise to try and not throw pool balls, cues or drinks at people in PS anymore. Aw.

Best New Bar The Vagabond--- this should be Best Reopened Bar.

Best Open-Mike Night Can You Rock a Little Softer? (CYRALS)--- Raffa is so talented and her night is really refreshing. I am so glad that they're bringin' the folk (see old posts for when Ravelstein ripped it up at CYRALS).

Best Chain Restaurant Chipotle Mexican Grill--- one of the best things I learned in NYC.

Best Chefs Michelle Bernstein and Michael Schwartz--- I like Michael's selection better and Michy's desserts.

Best Diner S&S Diner--- good old S&S. Those waitresses there really know how to smoke, flirt with customers and put their painted tips straight into your mashed potatoes. Two thumbs up for a real diner!

Best Ethiopian Restaurant Sheba Ethiopian Restaurant--- they can finally add this category.

Best Food Court Dadeland Mall--- can you say Chik-fil-A (heavenly sauces).

Best French Restaurant Le Bouchon du Grove--- but so expensive.
Best Japanese Restaurant Domo Japones--- also really expensive, but tasty. The Poma Domo cocktail was the only billion dollar drink worth tasting.

Best Restaurant in South Miami-Dade Café Pastis--- my parents love this joint.

Best Vietnamese Restaurant Hy Vong--- limpin' lesbians! This place is off the chain! Good beer selection, too!

Best Place to Buy a Rubber Dog Turd La Casa de los Trucos--- this is just the best place on earth, probably.

Best Record/CD Store Sweat Records--- not much competition in Miami for indie music stores, but Sweat is pretty awesome and even better now that they're open late next to Churchill's, everything in tact.

DUBIOUS:

Best Place to Meet Single Men Wynwood Arts District Walk--- or rather: Best Place to Meet Men and Their Beards

Best Concert Iggy & the Stooges--- let's just say that I left this show to see Cocorosie and Karen Black perform at the Raleigh under the stars. We had free bottles of vodka, glasses of champagne and boxes of Mac makeup. Iggy, you and the Stooges lose.

Tomhansson

As many of you already know, Scarlett Johansson created an album of Tom Waits covers: Anywhere I Lay My Head. There's no way to compete with Waits. Even though every reviewer has said it's a tribute album, showing SJ's admiration for Waits, I still am pretty suspicious about anyone who thinks they're as great as their idols, great enough to try and imitate their exact work (schizo). In my opinion, you've got to be completely drunk on yourself to attempt such a ridiculous task. But really, who cares what I think.
My old buddy Tyler Lovejoy wrote up a little FYI for Miami, bro about this endeavor:
Produced by the white guy from TV on the Radio, with guests like that guitar dude from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Bowie himself, it will either (tragically) introduce posers, who've never heard of Waits, to his music, without knowing it's his, or (magically) shed new light and breathe a fresh voice into the "gravelly one's" jams. (I wish I sounded like a gargled gravel.)
You can just warn America with the information provided herein -- use it all if you like.
Here's the video for the first single -- ScarJo -- which is available now on iTunes. And yes, that's the Goblin King doing backing vocals.
Oh -- and you can do a Pepsi challenge. Scarlett versus Zooey Deschanel (with M. Ward -- Zooey wins, hands down, since she writes her own stuff and it's fabulous).

-Tyler Lovejoy (genius)

It's me again and yes, I added the genius part, because Tyler has an inflated IQ and ego, and I think he knows what he's talking about most of the time, when he speaks, writes or yells drunkenly (except when arguing with me). Feel free to add your own opinion on the album. I personally was surprised by her voice, it's at least interesting, but really, come on, compare her monotone to Waits' version. I haven't heard her whole album, so I can't say nothing, bro (as they do say in Miami). However, I can assume that I probably wouldn't buy it.
Also, I think Tyler wants to marry M. Ward and have Tom Waits' babies.

Pitchfork review.

Hey-Adams, a DC MUST

The Hay-Adams Hotel is situated directly across the street from the White House. The namesakes of this DC gem are John Hey, who worked for Lincoln, McKinley and Teddy Roosevelt, and Henry Adams, the renowned intellectual and descendent of John and John Quincy Adams. Hay and Adams lived in adjoining houses on this spot in the late 19th century and theirs was one of the leading salons of its time, hosting discussions of the greatest minds of their time from a variety of disciplines. After their deaths, the property was leased to the Brazilian embassy, later torn down and became this fancy-pants hotel.

The walls of the bar downstairs are covered with caricatures of politicos, presidents and wannabe politicians. Clearly they were drawn in groups by different artists during different eras. One of the walls displays Obama, Nader, the Hillary Clinton of today, as well as Al Gore, post presidential loss, in scuba gear; this is the most updated. Another has Clarence Thomas and Marion Barry smoking a crack pipe, clearly from yesteryear. There are at least two Carters, Clintons and Ted Kennedys. It was fun running around pointing out political heros and foes. Luckily my Aunt Nancy and Jimmy are the biggest nerds ever to be torn from a human womb, so we knew most everyone drawn there. This was one of the coolest places I have ever been in DC, and I've been there plenty of times over the years. Simply put: it rules.

Here's me, hitting on the 65 year old Indian bartender, trying to score a free drink (failure).

Our future president!!!
The family, in a booth. This place was chill as fuck. It was like Fox's without the grime. Oh, and with the prestige of former visitors, such as the rulers and great thinkers and shakers of our nation.

Greek Good, mmmm

Mourayo is a delicious Greek restaurant in Dupont Circle: 1732 Connecticut Ave NW. It's very tiny, but the waiters dress like sailors (! yes, gays, I am not kidding). This guy was hesitant to let me take his picture and asked if I was going to put it on the Internet, I said yes, took the shot and, voila, it's on the Internet!
This was my lamb stew with orzo. The meat was tender, there was a distinctly Mediterranean taste to it: yummy cumin. The appetizers were amazing: a soft cheese in philo triangles, Greek salad with chunks of feta and thousand island dressing, fresh octopus, grilled pita, a plate of dipping sauces including perfectly flavored humus, some fish things and, my favorite, tzatziki, thick and a little lemony.
This was a swordfish skewer.
Black ravioli.
Shrimp, scallops and some octopus inky substance.

DC 1

I was out of the MIA and into the District of Columbia last weekend. I have some reviews, pics and family hideousness to add here. I'm starting with a few lovelies of my trip generally speaking. Here's a little snapshot of the Capital Building right here.

This is Adam's Morgan, 18th Street, the view from my cousin and brother's place. It rained the whole time I was there, but here, for just a moment, the clouds showed us mercy. They're very hooked up at this location, they are near everything/anything. You can drag your ass in any direction and eventually bump into some place to eat that's decent.
This is a shout out. Cheers to Jimmy (inferior sibling), Diana, Leah, Alfonso (my new, better brother), my cousins: Farrah, Julie and Mary Kate. This place was called Rosemary Thyme Cafe, which was just OK.
This is my prettiest family member, Farrah, eating garlic out my hand.

This is my brother, Jimmy. His look was heavily influenced by the film Deliverance.

Radiohead in WPB

Radiohead was amazing. There were thousands of people there and worth the 2.5 hour drive.
The only complaint was that they didn't have the monitors on, and we couldn't see anything from a million feet back. Doesn't matter though, it's fucking Radiohead!!! I sent my brother in DC a text, it read: Thom Yorke thinks you're a douche. Then I called and left Thom playing on his voicemail, just to rub it in that he wasn't listening live, and I was. I'm the douche.

Churchill's is the bomb

Here are two pics from the Sweat Records party a few weeks ago. This is Dino performing with Rick at Churchill's:

At the Torche show, also at Churchill's, we met Mickey Munday from Cocaine Cowboys. This was an eventful incident because Mickey and I had a brief talk about religion and then he told me some serious dirt. I won't repeat it here, but we talked. That's all I gotta say.
Torche rocked, as usual. They bring the house down. There's Juan on the left, in serious metal mode. Definitely come out for their next show. You will not regret it.

Ay, MiMo horny

I totally slacked on these posts, but I just wanted to tell everyone who missed out on the concert at the Upper East Side Garden for Cinco de MiMo, YOU MISSED OUT! It was awesome. They had free Grolsch, Vitamin Water and margaritas, amazing music, a great crowd, chill atmosphere, a lesbian with a MONKEY, and so much more!
Here's Nathan and Oly, jamming:
A monkey/lesbian duo was on-site:
I tried to dress up like Frida Kahlo, but this little chick kicked my ass!
Nathan, Oly and Danny L.
It's so lovely there! I think someone should have a party there and then invite me.

Wedding Toppers

My deliciously hilarious co-worker and poop-talking buddy, Lauren Wilbanks, has provided me with these jewels of human innovation! These are wedding cake toppers of great social and political importance. See how many you can identify!

Madame Alexander: what nightmares are made of

Chewbacca, Han Solo and Princess Leia: for the trinogomous romance

Bi-racial Precious Moments: for the black man and white woman. Congrats on celebrating your complexion!

My favorite: Pillsbury Doughboy Lovers: for the chubby couple in love

Bonnie Prince Billysburg

This is a sweet little ditty about the misery of living in NY as a young person struggling to not hate everyone who isn't struggling. It will become clear once you watch. Enjoy!

Thanks for sending me this brilliance, Attny Lovejoy!

I had a great deal of fun at the Quinceanera, but I took some shitty pictures.
Here's Cristy from Afrobeta, Otto Von Schirach, Charlie and Jose El Rey.


These 2 are of the birthday girl...Yarisleysi--- or something of the sort.

Alas, it's ALEX CASO of the Waterford Landing!!! One of my favorite people in, dare I say it, the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!! He also can make your booty shake with his rockin' beats and fantabulous sense of humor.

Here's Sean with his traveling sign of FOR SALE items. Everyone was encouraged to write on it. I think it was for what's selling that night (coke, pot, etc.), but I may have misunderstood because I was insanely intoxicated. I wrote Hillard Wiseheart (pictured here), because he's on sale.

I also ended up crawling in the fire and water fountain to light my fucking cigarette. I have NO IDEA where the thought came from or why I thought this was a good idea, but I guess it was from my own sick mind and came out of my stupid drunk body. I think there was glass in there, because my knee is busted, so as a word of caution, don't crawl in there with only shorts on.

Chris, the Funk

I just wanted to thank Chris Funk for being such a great bartender and friend. He's working the booze at Churchill's, fairly regularly these days. I'm posting his picture here so that when you see him, you can shower him with cash and give him a noogie or kiss or something.

The door is open but the ride ain't free!

I'm missing out on this HOTNESS tonight. If you go to the show, tell him I LOVE HIM. LIZ LOVES THE BOSS.

Best Boss lyric: "You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright."

If you've got a favorite Springsteen lyric, please add.

A little something to brighten your day...

The Saddest Music in the World.

grunts and guns

The Walrus has is an amazingly illuminating photo essay of military latrine graffiti taken in Kuwait by Steve Featherstone. It takes a direct approach to the very interesting subject of criticizing nefarious, misguided public policy decisions in the pooper.

The bathroom is a strange place, it's intimate but public. everything you do in there is private, but yet, it lingers on after you've left. I have always admired people who have the huevos to voice their opinion through the written word, even if it's while you're parked on the shitter. Even though these guys are generally not that articulate, hell, they're ballsy, admirably so. I also appreciate their deep emotional tirades depicting the discomfort and frustration that they feel due to being trapped in the friggin' desert, just waiting for someone to stroll by with a strap-on bomb and blow them to bits. My heart truly goes out to these guys; tragically waiting to die for oil.

I wonder how they'll feel when they come home and find that gas has gone up more than $2.00 a gallon since Bush stole the presidency. Blood money, right in the Bush/Cheney bank.


My favorite highlight though is the frowning face over which is non-ironically written, "It smells like shit in here."

I've also been watching this 10 part series, Carrier: Life Aboard the Aircraft Carrier USS Nimitz, on WPBT Channel 2, it documents a Navy voyage, how incredibly intense the experience is and how conflicted these men and women are about their jobs, their families and their fractured lives. The military culture is rooted, in many ways, in the drama and emotion of that surrounds separation. I know this is a topic that has been written about in better detail than I could even dream of writing, but I think that in this time of war, it's interesting to examine the lives of the people who are being sent away from home again and again, being put into dangerous situations, being injured and missing their families, being extremely scared and uncomfortable, lonely, trapped, powerless and conflicted about why this is happening. It makes my heart sink to hear one of the women on Carrier say that she trusts her life in the hands of decision-makers, because she believes that they'll do what right for her, for all of them. It shocks me to hear someone still say that after all that has happened over the past almost eight years. Luckily most of the people on the ship realize that the circumstances that placed them there are more than somewhat dubious and that this war is not worth dying for.


Check out holy Dick, and click here for some great little nuggets of Cheneyness.