Miami, je t'aime

I haven't written on Miami, bro in a bit since I've been busy establishing a new website, The Heat Lightning, which I encourage you to read and enjoy. However, I wanted to address something someone said to me recently, and I thought this was the best place to bitch.

I was asked a question by a fairly recent Miami to New York transplant regarding my living situation. Out at a bar, the inquiry went something like this: "you're an intelligent person, can I ask you a question?" (Of course!, says me) "Why do you stay in Miami?"

I was sort of shocked, as anyone would be. It's like asking someone one of these questions: you're pretty, why do you have such short hair? You're not poor, why do drive a P.O.S. car? You're not a douchebag, so why do you live in Brooklyn? Doesn't the original question assume that no one intelligent stays in Miami? Are all the people who work, reproduce, grow old, fall in love, take jobs here, are all of them retards? Do they have no common sense? What's wrong with you? With me?

I answered kindly, since I am kind. Miami has a great burgeoning art scene, it's relaxing to live here, it's beautiful here... After a minute, I noted that living in New York was stressful for me, I felt always at the bottom of some pile of people who look better on paper. Since I'm honest, and honestly a bitch, I also I made sure to mention that New York isn't that cool anymore. It's not that edgy, and all in all, it's not for me.

It's hard to be nice when someone questions your life choices. It somewhat assumes theirs are the wisest. I believe that I live a way more interesting life in Miami than I would if I were running from the Subway to work to the bodega to the "next great" band concert to home to back again. I don't want to dis on New York. I love my New York friends, I love eating there, being there for a few days, but it's a hard lifestyle. You get to see your friends once a week if you're lucky. In Miami, I get to see my friends every single day of the week. You see more buildings that animals or plants. That was hard for me living in Manhattan or Brooklyn. It was isolating, and it's difficult to feel isolated, for me at least.

Today, I spent the most lovely day at the beach. The water was just warm enough, the sun and clouds were just so that everything looked clearer out there. The Atlantic's hues were more defined than usual. If I could take this day and pass it around, I feel it would be a lot less intelligent to leave Miami than to stay here. Everyone's priorities are different and it's not that I am completely without ambition. I just don't think New York's THE place to be. Tell me you're moving to Beirut and I'm impressed, but New York, here, please, take my yawn.

A few years ago, one of my best girl friends, who doesn't live in Miami, was casually discussing people, specifically what makes people interesting. And it was what they do, you know, what they're doing. It's not interesting just to live in an "interesting" place, but what you do in that place where you live that is impressive. Anyway, I think every place is interesting in its own way. Adventure is interesting. So are people who follow the unusual, who uncover new desires by following old ones. Those who move to Moab to collect rocks, live in a trailer in New Mexico making art, learn to drum in Morocco.

I am interested in enjoying that bit of life that's been given to me in a way that is peaceful and enriching through the senses in reference to the intellect. Smart people are pretty easy to come by and they are unimpressive if they're not good, giving, and growing. People living in New York are plentiful, but people living in New York that are rabidly interesting are equal in number to those living elsewhere the world that are as well. Maybe I seem like a slacker or complacent because I live here, but I love it here. It's not that I wouldn't move again, because I might, but while I'm here, I'm going to suck all the wonder from it. J'aime Miami, bro.

Saturday night's alright

If you're not kissing and hugging John Spain good-bye tonight, hit up Churchill's for what should be a good time.

The Heat Lightning is happy for some press

Many thanks to Kyle at The Miami New Times for writing a very kind article about The Heat Lightning!

The Heat Lightning: for you to bookmark

Bros,

I have been working on a new website which I hope you will all read much, much more frequently than you have read Miami, bro. It's not that I'm not grateful for your Miami, bro reading time, because I am (I luv u) but, a new site with more content will offer you more quality opportunities for laughing and crying (and snoozing).

The Heat Lightning is a collaborative project I'm working on with Alesh, which we will be launching today. Contributors will be some of the smarties we know from around this town, and around the world. We want to show the expanding universe how we think all the way down here in tropical SOFLA, and what we think about what is going on out there. Many of those writing for the website are from other cities around the country, but all of them (so far) have a perspective that is not without Miami sensibilities. We all read about what people are wearing and listening to in other cities, but what do people like here in our hometown?

Our critical, nagging voices will be heard!

The Heat Lighting is going to try to be funny most of the time. Major goals are to entertain, inform and amuse. If we fail at these things, leave us mean, hateful comments. Don't worry, we can take it. Just read regularly (please) and pass us along.

I'll continue to post here about Miami based events and stuff I'm up to, so it's all good (I knew you were super-duper concerned. No fear, my kitties). Miami will always be bro, and so will you.

Secrets, secrets are no fun

I've been keeping a secret from you. By tomorrow morning, I'll be ready to share it.

The past few weeks, I've donated my evenings to a little, big something that I hope will please you, so stay in touch!

Negligence, bro

Miami, bro is not ignoring you, but rather working on some future project that is certain to through and through please you in the future (unless you have a crush on blonde Erin from The City).

A few things I've been up to: I spent the work day in the Four Seasons residential tower. Nice looking pool! Wish I could have experienced it (insert sad, sobbing face here).

The Jacuzzi Boys show on Friday was outta hand. There were entirely too many people there, which is a good thing for them and for the bar. Although PS14 or Black Bar isn't as good a venue for mosh/dancing as Churchill's, it is still a pretty nice place to get all up near the stage and enjoy the show. They're going on tour to like every freaking city in the nation and if you're in those cities, check 'em out. Disregard the bloated belly and notice the adorable t-shirts. You need you one of them.

Conga Madness!

In a hyper-Miami move, last night 20 or so friends gathered at my house and we made our way from party to party, united as one, in the style of a conga line.

Tell me this isn't a brilliant performance, an expression of togetherness and delight, and I'll tell you you're wrong!

Happy birthday, Juan!

Happy Birthday, Kizzy!

by Farley Aguilar

PBS: oh happy day!

I am unnaturally obsessed with PBS. When I turn on the TV, I automatically put on one of the two public channels Comcast provides (used to be three; I cried when Create was taken off the air). What can I say, I wear glasses and I like to learn.

Most of the time, I feel pretty good about this predilection, like when I catch an episode of the Jeremy Brett version of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, or when I hear the gruff, but alluring, voice of Burt Wolf blaring from the box.

There are other times though, when I'm not thrilled about what's on, but I'll watch anyway. Like when Tavis Smiley is on or Charlie Rose is talking to someone really boring.

But then there are the instances when I find myself watching a show that I'd rather not. Take tonight, for instance. I sat down to browse the channels and write on Twitter. Like a true addict (of PBS and now Twitter), I hit up channel 17 first (no idea what was on), and then moved on to channel 2. Frontline was on, so I stopped and watched.

I thought to myself, audiences are always offered an informative, interesting program with Frontline. I'm going to hear an in-depth story about a real-life issue. I'm going to learn!

I didn't bother to remember that every time it's on, they're featuring something miserable... and today was no different.

I watched The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan. I learned about bacha bazi, the practice of buying, selling, raping, trading Afghani boys, and really, much, much more. We're talking super happy stuff. I mean, could I have honestly asked PBS for a more thrilling topic to lull me into a nightmarish sleep? Maybe if you threw a few puppies and baby kitties in there and then stepped on them.

Now, Independent Lens is on and I'm feeling sad and shitty all over again. They're talking about soil, and how we just LOVE destroying the earth! Couldn't they have just thrown on a cartoon? I love you PBS, I feel like I learn from you, but you turn me into such a miserable sack of shit sometimes. I just wish there was a happy edifying show on somewhere, right now. I have to wait until this weekend where I can bask in the glow of my happy PBS crew of lispy Rick Steves and thin-haired Lydia. Those are the guys who really understand my needs.

Pride and Sweat

So, folks, I went to Pride day on South Beach this Saturday. Even though I had a mean hangover, I got on my bike and rode my achy ass out to support equality and a little bit of tackiness. Above, for instance, those are pillows, in case you were wondering. As ridiculous as they are, they, in part, made my trip well worth the discomfort. It's not like I want one, but if there were one in my house, I wouldn't be sad about it.

After the gayness, I travelled back across the bay and hit up Sweatstock. Sweat Records hosted a more than adequate showcase of local bands. I missed the earlier sets, which included Raffa, Jacuzzi Boys, Panic Bomber and Animal Tropical, but I caught Otto and the headliner, LA duo No Age. Overall, really great time. Everyone seemed relaxed and social. The usual pretension was not present, as far as I could tell. It was tops. Excited about next year's festivities!

Here the lovely Jessica and I entertain two drag queens.

There was, of course, the requisite Madonna impersonator. Couldn't decide if she was a she or a he. (S)he looked very convincing. The backup dancers are shes.

The nice sized crowd

As you might be able to tell (though up for grabs with some of these kids) this, below, is Sweatstock, which also boasted a really nice sized crowd.

The kids got rowdy for No Age, but my age and my inability to enjoy life over my headache kept me from jumping in. I'll be honest, I didn't jump in because I was too sober. There, I said it. The truth hurts.

Looks fun though, right?

I caved - Twitter, bro

I finally joined Twitter. I fear this will be the downfall of Miami, bro, but I move forward bravely into the unknown.

For way too long, my friend Alesh has been using mind control to get me to tweet, and I successfully resisted! But, on this terribly rainy day, with nothing else going on, I caved. Hopefully this will not make me irrelevant and foolish, although, I fear I am both of those things already. So, I guess I mean, I hope this will not make me more irrelevant and foolish.

Wish me well as I move into the dark unknown of this ridiculous phenomenon.

You can follow me here.

Things That Scare Me, bro

No, this was not just an excuse to post a Neko Case song. Right now, there are at least two seriously frightening things going on in this or a nearby galaxy.

British airspace has been shut down thanks to ash from an Icelandic volcano. Great, shifting tectonic plates, real nice! Always starting trouble. It's probably a good time to bring out those SARS masks again, because the smoke is heading eastward, all psyched and ready to blanket northern Europe. Luckily the Continent isn't used to a ton of sunlight, so things should be pretty normal around there. I hope this bad boy clears up before July, because I'm already hitting Orbitz hard for a flight to jolly old England.

Even more terrifying are the radiowaves that something huge and frightening out in the universe has been spitting at us for over a year now. Scientists don't know what this mass is, but they've waited this long to publicize it and are still clueless, so that can't be good. The waves are moving at us at four times the speed of light. I can't conceptualize this, but in my head I envision an indifferent but hungry, burning, amorphous mass speeding across galaxies to devour Mother Earth, probably arriving in a few hours.

I'm blaming this space beast for my nightmares, minimal productivity, lack of exercise and general malcontent. Thanks almost-black hole for ruining my already mediocre life.

Things That Scare Me - Neko Ca...

Jimbo, Still Old

As you can see, I went to Jimbo's birthday party this year and got yet another kiss from the man himself. If I remember correctly, 2009 was madness. I think that was the year I saw that old lady lift her shirt and two dudes run up and each grab a boob in their mouths. This year was MUCH tamer. There was only really one lady with her ass hanging out (see below). There was also a smaller crowd, probably because it was a crappy, overcast and then rainy day. Either way, I don't regret going and I'm keeping my fingers crossed they'll be another next year.

Happy birthday, Jimbo!

Deez Gritz or Some Bites are Better Than Others

On Saturday night, I was more interested in napping and watching a Joan Baez documentary than just about anything in the entire world. Even my growling stomach, which was becoming a huge issue, couldn't move me from my pillow. Eventually, after the pains became debilitating and the documentary neared the end, I motivated. I made it only as far as the Design District to try the Michael's Genuine Cuisine food cart.

First of all, good news, Brownes & Co. has an ATM inside (thanks, guys!), so I was able to pay the cash only. I ordered the main meal, described above, pork shoulder on grits. I was expecting too much, I admit, but as the title says, some bites were better than others. There'd be one that was really on target, full, balanced flavors and then the next would be like a confused mix of mismatched tastes. I wolfed it down in 20 seconds though and I obviously liked it enough to grab the dessert, a peanut butter smores. This I couldn't finish, because I'm not a peanut butter obsessive or anything and it was like eating a paste (a good paste).

I have to say, good attempt. I am excited at the prospect of food carts catching on in Miami. In LA and NY and many other cities, this is the way to eat when not at home or at a restaurant, and it serves well. I love street meat. That's right, I said it. It's damn good. It's fast food that's still greasy, but is actual food. Nothing like it. Anyway, I fear though that this food cart trend won't actually catch on and we'll only have this one fancy one hanging around for like a month or two and then back to the s.o.s. Let's keep it coming. I'm hungry.

Art, Palestinians and Street Meat

• This appears to be the site of a British photographer, Sam Seager. He's in Japan and some of his pictures are outta control. They make me want to go to this dreary Japan of my dreams. I'm usually completely disinterested in visiting. Besides the fact that the country is entirely too long a plane ride away, the pictures of Tokyo always seem so busy and bright. This miserable Japan with the scary laughing beer man makes my insides grumble with desire.

• I am very psyched about the Palestinian non-violence movement that's been gaining popularity. There's nothing more heartwarming to me than a people who have been oppressed and beaten down finding within them the strength to say no in a way that doesn't involve real violent destruction. You can't always win with boycotts and marches, but it makes you look a lot less like an asshole to the rest of the world. PR accounts for a lot in public policy and perception. No one's going to pay for your Molotov cocktail, but they might rally behind your peaceful protest.

• A friend of mine, Natasha Duwin, makes amazing art that'll make you think of vaginas. She weaves and embroiders and uses non-traditional materials like feathers and twigs to make beautiful and unique works of art. That's one of her mixed-media creations below. I am proud to have one of her woven, feathery vags on my wall at home. It reminds me of what I'm made of.

There will be an opening reception at Artformz (171 NW 23rd St.) from 7-10 this Saturday for Natasha and Henning Haupt.

• Also art walk related, I see that Michael's Genuine Cuisine has a food cart which will be making an appearance on Saturday in the Design District. How is it possible that I haven't eaten the entire cart by now? I'm not going to lie, I'm disappointed that my tongue hasn't touched every part of that rolling restaurant yet. I think this Saturday will be the day of reckoning for my belly and that food.

Matters of maryjane, Malkmus, music, bikes, buses, and bros

Harold and Kumar may be coming out with a 3-D X-mas movie. New York Magazine alerts lovers of the Asian duo of this potential BLOCKBUSTER. OK, blockbuster is debatable, at least let me claim cult classic on this one, definitely a Miami, bro favorite.

Given that Kal Penn is part of the Obama admin, a screening on the White House lawn would be a sweet swift kick in the nuts of the GOP, a sort of thanks for nothing from the gays, potheads and people with preexisting conditions around the nation (equality now, legalize it, health care, yes!).

***

A truly, very funny "Public Apology" from Dave Bry at The Awl to Stephen Malkmus.

True story, the other day I repeated an embarrassing thought I had to a friend. I told her that I had recently fantasized about how jealous my exes and friends would be if Stephen Malkmus were my boyfriend. It really doesn't get geekier than that. Feel free to mock me a-holes, but I'm sure you've thought the same thought, or something similar, you're just too pussy to admit it.

***

Thrifting in Tampa, anyone? Do I smell a day trip? Oh, wait, I forgot I have $8 in my bank account for the next week. I love working and not being able to pay my credit card debt and buy used clothes.

***

Oooh, horror story. I was on Ocean Drive and 2nd on Wednesday, after work, and I ran into some friends on bikes. We said hi and chatted for a sec, when suddenly, I heard a loud pop and crack and I looked to my left and saw that a huge bus had run over a bike. I thought, how strange that a bike might be in the middle of the street like that. Then we heard the screaming. The bike wasn't alone.

The bus driver got out, yelled and went back in to move the bus, though I didn't see it move much. I went over to look and the man was conscious, in a helmet and going for his cell phone. It wasn't clear whether the bus had dragged him or ran directly over his legs. They were pretty beat up with abrasions and some visible bones. Talk about a trauma, bro. The most amazing thing to me was trying to imagine that this gigantic, 10-ton bus rolled over this 170 lb. human and he was not dead. My dad said the rubber tires help distribute the pressure or something (I prob misunderstood him), but still, that bus was filled with people. Truly horrible.

***

I know you don't have party plans this weekend, and I know you like good music (or at least you pretend to), so here's something for Saturday. You're welcome.

Animal Tropical (formerly Down Home Southernaires) is one of the most talented Miami bands, just coming back from a tour (or been back. I like the drama of the "just," forgive me). At Cinema Sounds 6, you can check out "historic" Little Havana and hear some serious Miami musica. No excuses.

But there's like stuff there, right, bro?

A few things I'm thinking about right now are:

*Babies Os Mutantes and the great versions of "Baby." Here you go.

*I hate quotes. They're usually so trite and too much a weak attempt at actual wisdom. You can make a small point in a fortune cookie, but the message isn't going to cure your insomnia. It's like putting a McDonald's where Ferrara's was, or something remarkably tasteless like that.

With that in mind, Joseph Campbell quotes are not as good as reading the whole of each of his books, but good ol' Joe really had a way of cutting to the chase.

Here are a few nicely said words by JC (whoa, didn't realize that was coming). They're all about the good stuff, the stuff that makes sense - fear, courage, paths. Super mythical and mystical.

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure." (Yes.)

"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths." (for religious studies and anthro nerds)

"The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe to match your nature with Nature." (Go Inner Mother Earth!)

"You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or path, it is someone else's path. You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else's way, you are not going to realize your potential." (to which I quote Queensryche's Silent Lucidity, "Hush now, don't you cry, wipe the teardrop from your eye." Oh, courage.)

*Laf How much I love The Awl, which makes me laugh out loud daily. Alesh wrote a little something about it, and I'm not in the mood to elaborate, except to say that I am very thankful to laugh. Also, as a liker of pretty boys, this was enlightening.

*Dyslexic Heart A guy at the Wilco show was wearing a Paul Westerberg tour tee. I was tickled, because, as you might know, my favorite soundtrack ever (ever) is that of a film called Singles. I also couldn't see when the last Westerberg tour was, but I looked it up, 2005. At first, I wondered - who would go to a Paul Westerberg show in Miami, and they I realized, duh, me and that guy, and maybe a few of you old bags and music nerds (that's right, nerds). Bring it on, Paul.

*Who's going to do gross right now? According to the NYT, Motel 6 is being redone to look like every other crappy boutique hotel in the western world. Where will I enjoy scratchy, puke-stained, velour sheets now? Why are we so intent upon removing all unique personality from corporate America? The point of chains is that they are reliably inferior to local businesses and every time you go into one, you know exactly what to expect, since they never change and all look the same, and that you will not receive the best of anything. I'm disgusted and am never staying at a Motel 6 again, unless it's the cheapest available hole conveniently located off of I-95.

Finally, how great is this webpage? Answer: great.

Last Goodbye?

Do something good, Miami

After I completed my graduate work, I spent a whole lot of time volunteering and looking for a job. It was right after September 11, and there was no work for me anywhere, except at the makeup counter at Bloomingdales. Luckily though, a coworker at Bloomies handed my resume over to her sister who worked at a non-profit, Human Services Coalition (HSC). When I went in for my interview, it turned out a bunch of my anti-war (pro-peace) buddies were either working there or were on the board. “Score!” thought I.

I did end up getting the job and working there for almost three years. I went from being the Kidcare assistant to the policy coordinator, and few other things in between. Although HSC experienced all of the trials of a grassroots non-profit, the organization was always steered in the right direction by the staff and by Executive Director, Daniella Levine.

Daniella made sure that HSC was always a nurturing environment, one that encouraged open-dialogue and growth. All of the stress of working under grants and with the South Florida community were manageable because you always knew that you were working for the most just causes and that you were moving forward and developing as a worker and as an individual.

When I worked at HSC on healthcare policy issues, a bill like the one just signed into law on Tuesday (YAY!) by President Obama was merely a fantastical dream under a double Bush administration (we had one as governor too at that time). Thanks in part to the hard work of people like Daniella and her staff, this dream entered the heads of many other people and finally developed into a reality. I takes a lot of energy to do the right thing and to get others to understand your cause and to support it. HSC values advocacy and action, American values that sometimes become lost in the aftermath of a long, crappy day at work.

Come tonight to HSC’s Open Door – Open House and learn about an organization that has given so much to the South Florida community. Their new offices are located at 1900 Biscayne Blvd, Ste 200, and the reception will take place from 6-9 p.m.

went to Wilco, it was good, bro

I wish I really liked Wilco's music, because then I would have probably lost my shit on Monday night's performance at the Fillmore. It was one of the nicest concerts I've ever been to, considering I didn't know any of the songs (I'm exaggerating, but basically, I'm an embarrassment - I didn't retain any of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot). However, the audience really understood the music and the band in a way I haven't seen at a concert in long time. It was very easy to watch and listen and besides that, there were so many people there. Who knew there were that many Wilco fans in Miami? I mean, everyone knew every word. I think they were bussed in from Broward or Chicago.

I've had Wilco on my ipod for years before recently accepting that I will never listen to them actively and consequently deleting them. I even had their album Mermaid Avenue, which is comprised of unrecorded Woody Guthrie lyrics to which Guthrie's daughter allowed Wilco (and Billy Bragg) to accompany with music.

Of the things that thrilled me, Jeff Tweedy brought this geekly young boy Max on stage and let him sing a song. I got choked up for realz on that one. The kid was just owning the shit out of that stage. Then Tweedy pretended the amps weren't working so he could get his roadie Steve to come up and then everyone sang him a happy birthday. I'm a sucker, I know, but it was very nice. They held an intermission where the band sat down and brought lamps out, moving closer to the audience, adding an intimate touch. They then played audience requests collected before the show, including a Woody Guthrie song (which was THE best part of the performance). A couple of them brought out and played alt-country instruments, including accordion and a banjo (awesome), and even gave out free dinners from Doraku. I kid you not.

Other than all of those treats, they played forever, were goofy and looked like they were having a ton of fun.

What can I say? I'm sold on the band. Now all I have to do is reapply their music to my tired, old ipod and revisit my feelings on it.

I forgot my camera, so I had to use my cell, hence the terrible quality of pictures. This one on the bottom is the boy, Max, on-stage pretending to play to the guitar or really playing, what do I know?

We all have favorites, and here is one of mine

I'm going to say this because I mean it. I don't think Farley Aguilar could possibly make new art that I love more than what he's already produced. He's the tops.

I've been friends with Farley for a long time now, so you might think I'm biased and just blowing smoke up his ass, but if that's what you think, you're wrong. I don't buy things that I can't wear or shit out, but a few years back, I did purchase an amazing small painting from Farley. It's hung right over my bed.

The painting is of a bonfire, and it's small, not much larger than my hand. When I first saw it, it reminded me of a trip I had then recently taken to Maine, where my ex and I caught the final beach bonfire of the season before winter came. It wasn't just my memory that endeared the piece to me, it was the subject too, being both magical and mundane. It's the supernatural in the natural. It is that place where God and man meet; it's religious. The bonfire is much simpler than Farley's larger works, but it retains the same power. Farley captures a big mood in a small space.

I find it difficult to write about art, because maybe I don't have the vocabulary or maybe because I don't want to offend anyone. I always end up sounding stupid or mean, so please take my insecurities into consideration here. When I was twenty, I visited my best friend in Paris and on a day when she was studying, I went to the Musee d'Orsay by myself. The main exhibition featured a Polish painter Jacek Malczewski, whose beautiful (and hard to find on the internet) paintings blew me away with all of their myth, symbolism, fantasy and the potential stories! There were so many stories, I could only begin to get in there and dream them all up. Farley's paintings make me feel the same way, even though the message being expressed by each artist is different (this is where I don't write about symbolism and social politics). They are filled with fear and fantasy. Besides that, they're beautiful, with bold colors and tiny details. His view of the world is one that is enchanting and romantic. It's a world of which I would like to see much, much more.

In one week, Farley's first solo show, Ulf, will be up at the Art and Culture Center of Hollywood. Here's a nice review of Farley's work on ArtLurker and here's something I wrote a while back on NBCMiami.

Ah, the luck of the 1/8 Irish

You may not be sure what this is, so I'll tell you. It's the banshee from Darby O'Gill and the Little People back again to wish you a very happy St. Patty's Day! Hopefully, you don't run into her tonight.

I am only an eight Irish, and I seem to have some kind of unfortunate luck. Let's hope the luck of your Irish ancestors is a bit better and more understanding.

I'm getting amped for that green beer tonight, since it dulls the pain of the every day, three-leaf clover misery. PS14, or Bar, is opening at 6, good news for the enthusiastic. I will pinch you if you're not wearing green, and you can kiss me 'cause I'm a little bit Irish.

Songs about being green!

Everclear, bro

There are certain performers whose names or faces or mystiques just stick with you for your whole life, like the two Coreys. For me, one of these people is Art Alexakis of Everclear. I never, ever owned an Everclear album, I don't even know if they produced more than one, though I have this feeling there were many. I think it was his striking white hair and Greek name that keeps him lingering in my pop culture memory. That, and once my former roommate referred to herself as "a scared white boy in a black neighborhood" on my answering machine. You make me laugh; I remember.

I preface with this, because Art'll be performing at the Arsht tonight with another dude with a serious name, Ed Kowalczyk from Live (which I liked in middle school and looked down on in high school) and someone from Six Pence None The Richer (why?).

I know, who cares? I don't. I just wanted an excuse to write about Art Alexakis.

Another one bites the dust, bro

Just 2 nights back at Yakko-San, we were discussing which Corey was cuter, Haim or Feldman. I voted for Haim, because he was my Teen Beat dreamboat, and look, today he's dead.

I couldn't have put it better than The Awl, "Here's a question: why does no one want to live any more?" Alexander McQueen, Corey Haim, Brittney Murphy, all self-inflicted or induced.

2012, friends, that's all I have to say, 2012.

Pub Crawl, this time on bikes, and sad Abbey news

This Saturday, I enjoyed the Beer Snob Bicycle Pub Crawl organized by Miami Bike Scene, which involved riding about town grabbing a brewski here and another there. I started at home, with a headache, struggling at 3:30p.m. to get out the door. After entering the daylight, I rode with Nico (above) and Ricky across the Venetian Causeway to Zeke's on Lincoln. There there were tons of bike riders all having a genuinely nice time, sipping beer and shooting the poo. After Zeke's we all headed to The Abbey before going back across the bridge to the the DRB where I ended my bike day while everyone else went on to Titanic. I had a wonderful time and I really hope that the next one comes soon! Thanks for organizing, guys.

On a crap note, it was at The Abbey that a terrible rumor I heard was confirmed. The Abbey is closing. Cry bitches or start a petition or something! The people who bought the building that houses the bar are shutting them down. The Abbey is one of the most non-beachy, pleasant places in Miami. It has character and a nice selection of beer. It's very much worth saving, so think creatively! I encouraged the owner to get some press, so if you write something pass the sad word on and see if it changes anything.

Mrs. Ms, bro

This weekend, the lovely Jillian Mayer, dancer, artist, pretty lady, will be performing her very own play, Mrs. Ms, at the Arsht Center. I know you're jealous, because it's pretty rad to have the opportunity to perform at such a sweet venue at the young age that lil' Jillian is, but she's good like that, and you're not (j/k, kinda). The word is that, "Mrs. Ms is a multi-disciplinary experimental work that is a parody on conventional musicals that explores conventional stereotypes about marriage and romantic unions." Thanks to a commission from Miami Light Project, Mayer and two other artists have been able to take part in Here & Now, bringing some seriously promising performing arts to my neighborhood.

I've known Jillian for a long time and so I know that she's one girl that will do it all. She's a break dancer, she does aerial acrobatics and she makes art. WTF? I can barely tie my shoes or braid my hair while listening to music. I'm pretty certain this is going to be a goodie. Here's the New Times notes on the performances. Watch a quick backgrounder on it here.

The first performance is going on right now, but there will be more at 9pm this Friday (tomorrow) and Saturday and one at 4pm on Sunday at the Adrienne Arsht Center, Carnival Studio Theater. It's not free, but it's a world premiere, bitches, so don't be cheap.

Thursdays are fun, Saturdays, too.

I wish I had more time to talk a buncha shit about stuff coming up, but guess what? I don't. That's right, I'm busy. I know you're completely shocked, but it does happen sometimes.

I've been looking forward to this Pictureplane performance for a while. I first read about the Terri and Donna Gallery in the Paper Magazine blog. I was like, what, where, Miami? Yes, Miami. Anyway, it's not free, but I'm going to try to make it.

For Saturday, the Beer Snob Pub Crawl will hopefully be warm, dry and still. I am going to do it no matter what, but if I have to ride in the rain or through a tornado or in the freezing cold for some beer, I will, but I won't be happy about it. Be at the Arsht Center at 3:30 or Zekes at 4. If you don't go, you're lame. I mean it.

Yelp has a promotion with super cheap drinks all over town this week. I hope I can make it to one!

For a laugh, check out Kelly Osbourne's new hair being likened to Mrs. Slocombe's from Are You Being Served. I guess it's more an anglophilic giggle. I was thinking she's a little Tavi, but Mrs. Slocombe, oh man, there's nothing funnier than when she talks about her pussy, so I'll go with that likeness.

I also laughed at the misery of the polar bears on the Awl. I feel guilty, but I did it. We're going extinct soon anyway with the shifting of the earth's poles. Thanks alot, Haiti and Chile. Edgar Cayce knew it, and now we do. It's over soon, so try and have some fun.

From 1972 till today...

Life is cyclical, isn't it?

I know we're out of Vietnam and the Bush era, but this still feels true.

I just know that if the health care bill passes, things will change. I just know it.

Thanks to Amanda and Hillary for the OGWT.

Dragulator, bro

Last year if you were anywhere near my apartment mid-week, you would have been dragged (excuse the pun) into a RuPaul ruled world of queeny competition. My former roommate made all guests plop on the couch for a viewing of Drag Race, one of the funniest and quirkiest shows ever on television. It was on that couch that I fell in love with Nina Flowers and all the other gals, with their swaggers, saunters, tucks and 'dos.

I just searched to see if I'd blogged about this before, and I didn't, which is incredible since it was such a huge part of our lives. I have yet to see the new season, but I'm sure it's guaranteed to be hilarious and inspirational. Find your inner drag queen here.

2 good 2 b overlooked: Richardson and D./Chase and Catalano

Terry Richardson shot some of the cast of the Jersey Shore.
Here are a few funnies.

Here is some genius (via Amanda, my friend with the goodest eye). How could you not like Pauly D? He's the cutest and he ends up with his stalker. Aw, Pauly, I heart you.

On a similar in some way note, I spent last Tuesday sick and watching Amanda's healing box set of My So-Called Life, and now look who was reunited: Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano!

It's kind of incredible how good looking Jared Leto was and still is, but his getup is tragic. I know it's his new "thing," but come on, Jared, you're like the dreamiest guy ever for my age group. Get it together! Who am I going to picture when I'm having my Catalano fantasy? I guess I'll have to default to Daniel Desario. Second best is never best.

For the love of scarf, a tragedy

I don’t care what you guys think of me and this post. I'm grieving the loss of something I handled daily, something that was a hugely integral part of my everyday life. I really miss my stolen (and/or lost) Burberry scarf and I think the whole world (or all 5 of you) needs to know the sad story of my, now former, second favorite accessory. I'm going to begin with a short backstory.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I lived in New York for a year. The experience was more than stressful thanks to an unsupportive boyfriend who later dumped me, a really neat, but filthy apartment in the ghettos of West Harlem and a sales job that sent me to New England two weeks out of every summer month... and those were just the small tortures. I loved and hated my working time on the road. It meant I had to leave my cat with an unpredictable partner or with my friends. I was away from the City, on the road alone in strange places like White River Junction (that's right, Vermonters, strange) for days at a time. I believed it was worth the discomfort because I’d soon be able to visit a place on someone else's dime that I’d always only dreamed of: Maine.

For those of you who grew up in New England, you might say, Maine? Moose and rednecks? Whatever, yes, but I was thinking more Cabot Cove, majestic lighthouses and cliffs overlooking an angry Atlantic Ocean. When I finally made it to Maine, I upgraded to a convertible and set out to explore. It was a great trip which actually coincided for a few hours with my aunt, uncle and cousin’s journey up to Prince Edward Island and included a morning drive through heavenly Mount Desert Island. I made a friend in cool but quaint Portland and I saw forests, cliffs and ocean. It was all I’d hoped for and more.

Downtown Freeport, Maine, is basically an outlet mall, a very fancy, upscale outlet mall. It was there that I met my beloved Burberry scarf, a cashmere, blue and charcoal beauty. I purchased it at a small fraction of the full price to celebrate that I made it to Maine. Was it love at first sight? No, I had to call my best friend in London and ask his opinion between two, but after consulting, I knew it was my perfect match.

I wore that scarf for years and traveled the globe with it. I wore it when I drove the country last spring; I wore it from Berlin to Block Island, London to Las Cruces. It was my constant companion. I never once misplaced or lost it, not until this October in Los Angeles.

I don’t want to talk trash about L.A., because I love it there and I especially love my friends there. I would move there. It's tops. But one night on my last trip there, we ate a delicious dinner at The Bazaar and drank and chatted at Verdugo Bar, but because of my jet lag and from flying straight there from DC the week prior, something terrible happened. I remember a voice earlier in the night saying – I’ll hold your scarf, someone might steal it. And then someone did.

I don’t know when it happened, not the exact moment, at least. The scarf was my constant companion, so I didn't know what that lack felt like, that terrible, scarf-less existence. At one point, I did notice I wasn't wearing it, but thought I left it in my suitcase. After all the wasted attempts at searching, my hope waned, my faith fell away, I realized it was gone.

A minute ago, I saw a Burberry scarf online and I got a headache just thinking about my old trusty accoutrement. I know I get too attached to particular worldly possessions, but I’m not a Buddhist. Anyway, getting attached to something of quality saves me money, and therefore I am better able to love Mama Earth. I don't need hundreds of the same same item in different colors, I just need that one wonderful item. Less is more, amigos and amigas.

The theft of my scarf has put a genuine damper on my entire life. I beg you, if you see someone in the Los Angeles area wearing the scarf pictured below, please punch them in the face and get my scarf back. I will forever be in your debt.

That look is the sadness I felt because part of me knew that my love wasn't enough, and that one day, I would lose my favorite scarf.

Stockholm Syndrome - Yo La Ten...

Finally, bro, some pictures

From Tribute: A Summoning, click to read more.

International Noise Conference - Thursday night. If you missed it, you missed out. MOST importantly, they're selling candy from the UK at Churchill's now. I'm eating my Smarties as I type!

This guy had talent: Dick Neff.

Dino sang a Nirvana cover from the drums, a la Genesis.

Snuggie Pub Crawl!!! When I got there, one of the chick's purses got stolen, which put a damper on the evening. Luckily we snugged it out and hit up the Deuce and T-Mex (San Loco). It was good. Don't you just wanna snug us?

Bro, that is noisy, bro

Tonight is a pretty hot night for music in Miami, if you're me and/or you think like me. I'm super psyched to hit up the smelliest place in Miami tonight (or maybe any night, for that matter). The dirtiest noise boys will be descending upon Churchill's for the International Noise Conference. Expect some of Miami and international noise music bests, including Dino Felipe and Amanda Green. Looks like tonight's performances will be mostly Miami-folk, tomorrow - Tampa-ites and Saturday - the rest of America.

It'll be a blast. While you're over there trying to get laid by a filthy midwestern teenager, make sure to hit up Sweat Records, right next door, where Pocket of Lollipops will be performing. Doors open at 8 and there's no cover, thus no excuses.

Snugg it out, LC

Lauren Conrad will be at Books and Books later today. I really want to go because I see something in LC that I just can't explain. Sure she appears vacuous, but I think there's something behind that demure silence that could be human. Maybe it's just her cute, Marsha Brady look that make me like her. I guess everyone at B&B will find out the truth about LC tonight, or maybe not. If you attend, I'd love a signed copy (thanks in advance).

Also, this Friday, I'll be participating in a Snuggie pub crawl. I, like the rest of America, received a (pink) Snuggie from my mother this holiday season. I say season because my mom got the last one on super-sale at CVS way after X-mas and thought I might want one. It's sort of like when she bought me Z. Cavariccis in high school, well after they were on clearance at Ross. The message behind the Snuggie crawl is not clear, so I'll assign one now. It's important to stay warm and comfy, with free hands, while drinking. I hope we look like an intoxicated cult and that people will spot us from their windows and join us with their Snuggies in our adventure.

After the crawl, on to enjoy Fire and Ice at the gay, neighborhood bar Vlada. It's Valentine's weekend, so I kinda hope some of you find that desperate someone to hook up with at the bar on this holiday of deep disappointment. Maybe that person will look like this, but without those scary sandals:

Scott Stewart - Chicago Sun-Times

A bunch of generally unrelated stuff I've thrown together

Jürgen Nefzger’s Fluffy Clouds, mixing nuclear energy with vacation time.

Please check out these fake Tweets in response to Salinger's death. Some are very funny.

Gifts I wouldn't say no to: a teepee, housewares and a Proenza Schouler top.

An On the Road mixed ttttape

Scroll down to see one of the bestest Miami artists, you guessed it, it's Jen Stark.

Snooki from Jersey Shore interviewed Phoenix (video here). She's kind of cute (kind of) but entirely out of touch and ridiculous. She also interviews Judas Priest - doesn't know who they are, but they know who she is! For the love of God, reality TV has warped all of our realities.

Roadside America mentions some guy from Miami names Guillermo Socarras who apparently wants to build a bunch of skyscrapers on Jungle Island, calling it Miapolis. What a name! I love it.

Awesome ring from Erie Basin Antiques: